Wednesday, 16 December 2009

A little advice

Having worked in retail over Christmas, I came up with some helpful tips for customers last year to enable them to get the best out of their shopping experience during Christmas in retail.

Now that I am back on the other side of the fence, so to speak, I have formulated some teensy-weensy pieces of advice for the braindead morons couldn't-be-less-interested-in-helping-you-if-they-were-dead teenagers masquerading as shop 'assistants' this Christmas.

  • Rolling your eyes at a customer who has just asked you to get something down from the top shelf, because you have a ladder and she doesn't carry one in her handbag, will get you filthy looks in return. If said customer is in a bad mood, it may even earn you a telling off, both from the customer and your boss!
  • Answering the phone, telling the customer you will have a look out the back, putting them on hold for 10 minutes while you finish your conversation with your co-'worker' (used in the loosest sense of the word!) about who is 'hooking up' with who, then going back to your phone customer to tell them you don't have any and won't get any more before Christmas, all in full view of an entire counter full of customers, is probably going to get you in trouble with the management. Try not to act surprised when you are caught out!
  • Comparing your customer's well-behaved child, who is restrained in a trolley with entertainment to keep them quiet, to 'devil spawn' and then asking, at full volume, 'why do people bring their bloody kids shopping at Christmas time?' will probably also get you into trouble with aforementioned management. Once again, try not to act surprised when you are caught out!
  • On the same topic, muttering disparaging comments about said child's parentage loudly as you walk away is also going to get you reprimanded by the big guy (be that the manager, Santa or God, who knows!) Whilst I can understand the stress involved in dealing with the incessant screaming of some children (been there; done that!!), do not take your frustrations out on one of the few children who is actually behaving and being quiet.
  • Telling a customer to have a proper look and they might find it all on their own, may earn you a slap upside the head! You are a customer service assistant; act like it!
  • Jumping the queue at the checkout because you are on your break and must have that bag of M&M's now, is likely to incite a mob mentality and you may find yourself being bodily removed from said checkout line by a big bikie type who just happened to shopping with his grandma. Don't mess with a bikie's grandma .. ever!

Now that I have exhausted my current public service abilities, I am off to find some more blog material presents for the rest of my family and friends.

Seven people down ... fourteen to go!

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