It just keeps getting weirder around here ...

My Mum just went and got her phone so she could ring one of the boys at the other end of the house.

The really weird thing is that she didn't want to talk Drew herself .. she wanted to let Brutus tell Drew that he was hungry and wanted his dinner!

Basically she just made a mobile to mobile phone call so the dog could bark down the phone ...

... (whispering) save me ... save me now!

Completely random ...

Bradley just walked into the lounge room where I was reading and said:

"We should go on a family holiday to Mexico and while we're there, we should overthrow the government."

He then patted both dogs and walked out again.

Sometimes I really wonder where he came from and just what is going on in that head of his ...

Being a sheep ...

... and following along with the flock doing a "quick" 2013 round up.

January:

• Still (quietly) patting myself on the back for winning Austral Bricks WA Employee of the Year for 2012.  The fact that I managed to (unintentionally) insult the Managing Director and keep my job apparently got me more points than all the work I did, but I'll take the win (and the $1500 Flight Centre voucher .. woohoo!  I can see a nice holiday in my future).
• Actually went out quad bike riding with the boys (all four of them) and didn't kill myself, break anything or hurt anyone else .. go me!
• Celebrated Alex's friend Chris' 18th birthday at Sizzler's in Kelmscott.
• Managed to get some more of the backyard finished and made some quirky crafty items for my upcoming birthday.  Bowls made from old records anyone?

February:

• Finally got the backyard landscaping guy to come back and finish it.
• Turned 40 ... aaaargghh!!  Celebrated with a 70's themed birthday party and had a great time.
• My 'baby' boy, Brad, turned 14!  Where is the time going??

March:

• Painted the 'spare' room for Mum to move into while she builds her new house.
• Tried my hand at fruit and vege gardening...

April:

• Let Alex drive us up to Ikea for a day out only to have his car die on the Cedric St off-ramp .. thank God for RAC road patrol! $250 for a new battery later, we were able to get his car going again just in time to go home.
• Celebrated Debbie's 50th birthday with high tea at Little Nich's Cafe.  Nice food, dribbly teapots and lovely company .. great day!!
• Clare came over to have a ride on the scooter to practise for her trip to Greece.  
• Commiserated with Deb over her baby, Amy, turning 16.

May:

• Had an early Mother's Day celebration with Mum, Clare, Rich and my tribe at the Mundijong Pub.  Peter and Richard went for a country motorbike ride first and met us there.
• Took Andrew and Debbie to see Cirque Du Soleil's OVO show.  Fantastic night out except for the bucketing down rain :-(
• Mum moved in.
• Went to Tasmania for our 20th wedding anniversary with no kids and using the voucher I won. Awesome but tiring (not for the reason you think ... get your mind out of the gutter!)
• Had another Mother's Day celebration when we got back from Tassie.  Love, hugs and presents .. yay!
• My middle baby, Drew, turned 16.  He booked himself in for his learner's test and passed first time ... go Drew!!

June:

• Ate the first apple from the Pinkabelle tree.  
• Got a wild idea to rip my wedding dress apart and use (what I thought was a hug amount of) fabric for other purposes. (Didn't get very far with that .. there was nowhere near as much silk in the skirt as I thought there was ..oh well).  Made Brad pose for photos in the bodice of the dress, mean mummy that I am!
• Painted Drew's bedroom wall with "racing stripes".  He likes it even if no-one else does!!

July:

• Had to race Xena to the vet in the middle of the night once we worked out that she had eaten almost a whole box of dark chocolate.  Got home at 2am and had to go back to pick her up at 8am to avoid paying another day's worth of ICU charges.  
• Went to Sydney for a work trip ... on the same day that I had raced Xena to the vet.  Couldn't sleep on plane so had an early night when I got there.  Found out that the company hadn't paid for the accommodation in advance so got hit with a huge bill on check out.  Thank goodness for 'secret stash' money...
• Took another trip to Ikea and found some inspiration for what to do on the long wall in the family room.  Besta bookshelves are my new best friend ... I think.

August:

• Had a night at the shed, just Peter and I (despite vowing not to go .. a girl can change her mind!)
• Drew had his first official driving school driving lesson.
• Finally got floor coverings in the bedrooms .. spotted gum floorboards.

September:

• My first 'little baby', Alex turned 18 and somehow became 6'1" tall ... waaahhhh!!  j/k .. so proud of him for the hurdles he's overcome and the wonderful young man he is.  Love you son!
• Had a belated Father's Day (as it was on Alex's birthday .. how rude!)
• Drew bought his first car, a Longreach Falcon ute, which was brought home on the Sunday afternoon and then stolen in the early hours of the Thursday afternoon.  Fire brigade found it on fire and reported it to police.  By the time the Police got there, it had been stolen again and still hasn't been recovered.  Thank goodness for insurance!
• Did some more crafty/practical projects that I will slowly be updating over the next couple of weeks .. I promise!

October:

• Took a week off work during school holidays and spent some time with my growing-way-too-quick boys.
• Thought about going to the Perth Royal Show(for about an hour), regained my sanity and stayed home instead.  Saved amount of money equivalent to the GDP of a small African nation.

November:

• Drew got his official Certificate II in light automotive servicing ..well done!
• Took yet another trip to Ikea .. just because.
• Got the windows tinted in our bedroom, the home theatre (or as I call it, the lounge room), the family room and Alex's bedroom.  Makes a huge difference to the amount of heat coming in from outside.
• Peter bought a new bigger motorbike.  Continued to hassle me about getting my bike licence ...

December:

• Put up the tree with the boys with minimal grumbling (from me!)
• Drew picked up his new car .. 1999 Lantra with very low km's for it's age.
• Made three Pepparkaka Hus kits from Ikea (otherwise known as gingerbread houses for English speakers).  Used an entire year's worth of lollies and royal icing between the three .. yum!!
• Had Christmas breakfast at home, lunch at Mark and Bec's and home again for dinner.
• Quiet day at home on Boxing Day, then out for dinner with Nonnie and Clare down in Shoalwater.
• For Peter's 47th birthday my lovely boss let me take half a day off so we had lunch at Hog's Breath in Kelmscott, then home for presents.  Managed to surprise him with the Springsteen tickets I'd bought back in September as well as the usual littler presents from the boys.
• Quiet New Year's at home with the boys (Mum went out .. has a better social life then me!).  Managed to see in the New Year, then slept like a log until 9am.

So there you go, a whole year in a rather large nutshell.  Here's hoping I can get my shit together slightly more organised this year and manage to post some of the happenings as (or soon after) they happen.

 A girl's got to have dreams ... right? 

Things my boys say...

Bradley has definitely inherited my love of words!

Upon seeing a picture of a baby sting ray, most kids his age (that we know anyway) would have asked:
"Why is it squishy and see-through?"



Bradley, however came out with "Why is that thing gelatinous and translucent?

Love a good vocabulary first thing on a Sunday morning!!

Love this one!

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Where does he get this stuff from?

Overheard in the car this afternoon, whilst driving home from taking a look at the house:

Brad: Drew, you know how they say 'you are what you eat'?

Drew: Yes. What about it?

Brad: It's really strange isn't it?

Drew: What's strange about it?

Brad: I really don't remember eating a sexy beast!

I'm kinda dreading what he'll be like once the testosterone really kicks in!!

The things they say ...

Whilst having a discussion with the boys about our menu plan for the week, Bradley came up with a new term for boiled potatoes. It went a little something like this:


Me: Well how about we have vegetables and potatoes with that instead of chips?


Brad: Mashed potatoes?


Me: I was thinking jacket potatoes.


Brad: No, I want nude potatoes.


Me: What on earth are nude potatoes?


Brad: You know Mum (insert eye roll here) ... ones without their clothes on.


Me: (being purposely slow on the uptake .. honest!) What clothes?


Brad: The only clothes they have ... their jackets ... duh!

Be afraid! Be very afraid ...

because:

I am now officially licensed to drive a forklift.

I had to have a photo taken for the new licence which resembles one of the 'after' shots from those scare-people-off-Meth programs. Either that or a drunken mug shot. (No, I'm not going to post it here out of courtesy to your delicate monitors and eyes).

Alex has his learner's permit for a moped licence.

Andrew has asked for braces which means you guys will now get to listen to me whinge about how much it's going to cost for the next three years .. lucky you!

Bradley, despite not yet being a teenager, has a full blown teenage attitude and he's not afraid to use it!

I think I'm seeing things that aren't really there. For example, on Wednesday evening while driving home from work, I could swear I saw an oversized troll doll riding a bicycle along the footpath towards the train station. After looking at 'it' several more times (all while trying to keep driving in a straight line), I discovered it was a middle-aged woman with an over-abundance of very orange spray tan and hot pink, fluffy, standing-straight-up-in-the-air hair. To quote my Dad,

"The sights you see when you haven't got a gun!"

Now I know where Brad gets his warped sense of humour from ...

Well, actually I already knew but it was just confirmed once and for all.

Peter, Drew and I were sitting watching Better Homes and Gardens on Friday night when a segment came on about some flowers that look like carnations but aren't (some sort of relative to them though).

As the presenter was extolling the virtues of this plant with very pink flowers, Peter pipes up with "Did you know there's no such thing as a pink carnation?"

I was just about to reply with something along the lines of "Of course there is!" when Drew asked "Why?"

Peter's response?

"Because every nation has many different coloured cars."

Cue groans here!

Do you think he's trying to tell me I spend too much time on the computer?

"Please pay me some attention .. I'm begging here!"

Or is he trying to help me type?

"No silly. That's not how you spell hamburger!"

Or is he just hungry?

"You're just not getting it are you? Feed me ... please?!"

Can't decide.

I still think he's trying to tell me something.

Please let me know if you work it out ....

Are you sure?

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Public Service Announcement

When you are on the roof of a house, attempting to attach a new patio and effect repairs to said roof, do not be tempted to look in the windows of the house two doors over.

People think they are safe from prying eyes while inside their houses and will quite frequently wander said houses in various states of undress. Especially when they are looking for the remainder of their clothing before attempting to go outside and face the world.

So, unless you like looking at larger ladies wandering about in jeans and a pink bra (with no shirt), don't be tempted to peek! (Readers: you're welcome for that mental image!!)

And you can't blame me for blinding you ... it might have been the glare from the roof next door that blinded you.

It's not totally my fault my skin is so white that you can see it from outer space.

Or that the bra is day-glo pink and lights up the inside of the washing machine when the lid is closed. (Well actually, that kind of is my fault 'cos I bought it in the first place ... but it was cheap!)

So, in short, (too late I know!), it's your own fault if you nearly fell off the roof. That will teach you to be a Peeping Tom!

The sympathy is overwhelming ...

After asking the boys to keep the noise down because I had a thumping headache, Brad and I had the following exchange ...

Brad: Would you like a Panadol?

Me: No thanks. Just some peace and quiet.

Brad: Do you want a Panadeine instead?

Me: No thanks.

Brad: So do you want a saucepan?

Me: A saucepan? (insert quizzical look here) What on earth for?

Brad: So I can hit you with it and you'll forget about the headache pain for a while and give us some peace and quiet.

Nice to know I can count on them when the chips are down ...

Out of the mouths of babes ...

I was taking the boys and Debbie's daughter to the movies today and we parked in the underground car park. As we were walking across the pedestrian crossing towards the entry doors, Bradley said "I wonder what people would do if I put road spikes all along the crossing? You know the kind with really pointy needles in it? Yeah that would be cool!"
Amy responded with "You could even put medicine in the needles for all the kids that walk on the crossing so they wouldn't have to go to the doctor's."
Then Brad came out with "Nah, not medicine. It would be better for everyone if it was sedatives for the little kids before their mums take them shopping. Would make it heaps quieter for the rest of us wouldn't it?"

Out of the mouths of babes ...

The school holidays (with major apologies to Billy Joel)

It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd staggers in
Wiping sleep from their eyes, they all stare at me
Then, as one, they all begin

Mum, can I have lollies for breakfast?
It is school holidays you know
And you promised that we could go out today
But not ‘til after my show.

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da dum

Chorus:
Give us some food
You’re the mother here
Give us something to do
We’re all bored out of our tiny minds
And it’s your job to fix up our blues

Mum, I need something to do right now
I’m bored and I don’t want to think
So what should I do with myself today?
Yes I know there are dishes in the sink

But what does that have to do with me?
Why do I always have to clean?
It’s not just me that made all this mess
So why do I have to make it gleam?

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Mum, I have nothing to wear today
Where are all of my jocks?
Whaddayamean they’re all on the floor of my room
Right next to my very smelly socks.

You should have washed them all by now
It is your job after all
Hey Mum, why do your eyes look so weird right now?
Mum, stop banging your head against the wall!

Chorus:
Give us some food
You’re the mother here
Give us something to do
We’re all bored out of our tiny minds
And it’s your job to fix up our blues

It’s a pretty good crowd for a bail hearing
The defence lawyer gives me a smile
'Cos she knows I’ll be free 'fore the clock strikes three
Every mother’s been there for a while

In the place where chocolate is your best friend
And sedatives are nothing to fear
Where you sit and stare blankly at these four walls
And wonder how the hell did I get here?

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Chorus:
Give us some food
You’re the mother here
Give us something to do
We’re all bored out of our tiny minds
And it’s your job to fix up our blues


Happy School Holidays everyone!

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Dear Donna ...

Long time no see speak! In case you hadn't gathered, this is the Universe popping in for one of my little 'helpful hints' talks. Let's get started shall we?

1. First and foremost: when moving house, make sure you are wearing underwear that actually fits and is comfortable! Spending most of the day trying to find a quiet corner to discreetly deal with the mother of all wedgies is not conducive to actually getting anything done. Spending the rest of the day trying to prevent said underwear from falling out the bottom of your 3/4 pants is also not exactly productive. And for heaven's sake, don't wear a new bra. It will dig into places you didn't know you had and cause bruises you will take weeks to get over. Both undies and bra will make for some embarrassing moments with the removalists. Hopefully your face is back to it's normal shade of pink instead of the flaming red you wore for most of the day.
2. Asking the children to 'put things away' in their new rooms is bound to result in stuff being thrown through in the doorway and left wherever it lands. I realise this is not that different from how they used to put things away in the old house, but as you are still trying to move furniture and large, heavy boxes, it may be advisable to be a bit a lot more specific about where things should go. For example: "Put your clothes into the correct drawers of your chest of drawers and not on the floor" is going to save a least four ankle turns, two stubbed toes and one almost broken arm.
3. You can survive without a phone and internet and for longer than you think. However, your children will think their eyes have been gouged out with a rusty safety pin if they go more than 12 hours without access to facebook, runescape and a various assortment of mind-numbing flash games. All I can say to this is stock up on chocolate, Valium, earplugs and tranquiliser darts. Oh, and make sure you know which box the alcohol is in!
4. Next time, try moving a bit closer to Christmas. The children will find so many things they had 'lost' that it will save you money on Christmas presents as they will have heaps to entertain themselves with (and to fight over who it actually belonged to in the first place).
5. Even though your kitchen was the first thing to be moved, make sure to claim ignorance of where anything is placed in the new kitchen. This will ensure takeaway (and no dishes) for at least four nights after you move in. This will unfortunately leave a rather large dent in the food budget for the week but it is worth it to save your sanity. Oh, and find a rental with a dishwasher next time (not that there will be a next time but make sure the new house has one before you move in!)
6. Get used to the fact that you will be living in a house full of boxes of stuff you 'need' but don't have a space for ... yet. Just tell the children that the boxes are giant cardboard Lego pieces when they start to complain about the boxes blocking the view to the TV and suggest that they build themselves a nice jail cell soundproof room 'cubby house' instead of whingeing whining moaning politely voicing their discontent.

Now that we have some of those things settled, I would suggest that you keep this list handy for next year when you get to do it all again.

Your friend,

The Universe

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Out of the mouths of babes ...

Being the ever-so-slightly OCD type that I am, I decided to use a colour coding system on the proliferation of boxes that have taken up residence in every room of the house.

I thought that by giving each room/area a colour and labelling the boxes filled with stuff from that room/area with aforementioned colours, it would make it heaps easier to deal with the chaos that is moving house. Having so much more 'stuff' than the last time we moved house was frightening me just a wee bit because I could envision many complaints of "I can't find my ..." and "Why has he got my stuff?"

I even made a pretty little chart with the colours and areas clearly labelled so when the removalists got to the new house with the boxes, they would be able to easily find which room to put each box into ... see:

I was feeling quite proud of myself for being pro-active instead of reactive for a change until Andrew asked the blindingly obvious question:

"Mum? What happens if the removalists are colour blind?"

I think I'm just going to go and cry in the corner now. Please call me if you find removalists who aren't colour blind ....

Plague proportions ...

Every room I walk into lately has one of these in it:

Even the hallways have sprouted these unusual growths:



Some areas have been more badly infected than others:




And this room appears to be beyond all but the most professional help:



(Take note of the smaller wild versions making a break away from the main group)

Luckily help is arriving soon ... I hope!