Friday, 3 June 2011

Channelling Ke$ha this morning ... "This place about to blo-ow"

I am going to kill the child. Feel free to guess which one!

Sorry, that is supposed to be:

I shall not kill the child. I shall not kill the child. I shall not kill the child. I shall not kill the child.

The only thing saving him at the moment is the fact that I have to go to work. I will however be phoning the school to confirm that once again, he has failed to complete a homework assignment and that they (once again) have my full permission to punish him as they see fit.

I'm at my wit's end with this child.

How can I help him to see that he is only hurting himself?

That even though I am the one ranting and raving, that it doesn't really affect my life to the same extent it does his?

That despite the fact that I understand that homework is, at times, both boring and seemingly pointless, he still must do it and hand it in, on time?

I'm sure he is sick to death of me saying that it is all up to him and then proceeding to make him sit down and produce something just to get me off his back.

I'm sure that the teachers think I am an ineffectual parent who isn't doing anything about this situation.

I see them look at me in disbelief when I tell them how long I sit with him (sometimes 5 or 6 hours), only to get a paragraph or two of actual work down on paper.

I'm sure they are thinking that I am exaggerating for effect, pity or attention when all I am doing is asking for help in how to get this child to complete the tasks they have set.

I wonder how he is going to survive in the 'real' world out there without me to poke, prod and push him to 'get with the program' and to explain the subtleties of human interaction.

It all comes down to just one thing really ... I'm scared.

I'm scared he won't be able to provide for himself.

I'm scared he will get himself into dangerous situations that he can't talk himself out of.

Sometimes, I'm scared that I haven't done enough to help him and at other times, I'm scared I've done too much and prevented him from learning a valuable life lesson. Then I think that he probably wouldn't be able to apply that lesson in another similar, but different, situation anyway.

It's not that I'm not worried about the other two boys .. I am .. just not to the same extent.

Is this because he is my eldest or because of the autism?

Is it due to our personalities being similar and really being able to understand his point-of-view?

Or is it just because I'm a Mum and that's what we do?

1 comment:

Belinda Chan Oates said...

You are A WONDERFUL mother !

I hear your worries as I hear the worries of EVERY mother with a special needs child..."you have tried your best but is it enough?". I dont think ANY of us understood the meaning of "guilt" until we became mothers. Mothers guilt surpasses anything and everything I have ever heard of when it comes to our children. Rest assured Donna - you are doing a VERY awesome job! Alex is Alex and he will alway be Alex. Homework is lost on him - because it IS borning! His teachers have no understanding of Autism if they are even GIVING him homework! SHeesh! If they insist on homework - at least give him something he is interested and/or will engage in! DUH ! Any good teacher knows that !

There are MANY programes out in the "real world" that Alex can access and engage in...outside of school. If school is not going to provide him with what he needs in life...there are many other avenues for "education" that dont require a whiteboard and pens! :)

Hang in there babe! You are doing an amazing job !

I'm just a phone call away !