Numb nose

As I sit here typing, I am very aware of how strange my nose feels right now. Or rather, how it doesn't feel, because it's numb but only on one side.

I had a skin cancer removed from the left side of the bridge of my nose this afternoon at 5pm. It is now 7:40 and it's still numb. It's the weirdest feeling because it's sort of itchy but if I scratch it, the itch doesn't go away because I can't feel myself scratching.

Luckily the doctor doesn't think it's anything serious but it was bigger than he expected so we'll just have to wait and see. He's sent a sample off for testing but he won't have the results until early next week. One of those hurry up and wait situations that we all love so much.

Putting on the rose-coloured glasses now.. it'll all be fine!

(Public service announcement: Please make sure to get any lumps and bumps on your skin checked out regularly.)

Things I'd forgotten ...

... how sore my feet get after standing most of the day. (I'm helping out by doing a particular job at work which involves standing most of the day. I also get to open lots of boxes and tell the computer what's in them all. Sounds fun right??)

... how much I enjoy early morning cuddles and tickles with the boys. (Until someone starts kicking, then it's everybody out!)

... that when your body tells you you're actually hungry, you better eat now or feel really sick for the rest of the day. (fairly self-explanatory but I missed lunch)

... that I enjoy talking to people who are 1) grown-ups and 2) aware enough to get some of my more obscure comments.

... that while I sometimes don't like being the one in charge, I love being a mother. Specifically, mother to my boys.

... I can fix things that go wrong with my car. Like the absolutely dead battery in my car this morning when I was already running late for work. Jumper leads and a spare battery anyone?

... it's OK to say no and not give a reason. "No. I'm not able to do that." "No. I won't be attending." "No, thank you. I really don't want any more."

... just moving more can change your mood.


What have you recently remembered about yourself? Leave me a comment and let me know or post a link to your own blog in the comments section.


Oh, one more from me ...

... I really need at least 8 hours of sleep per night.

So on that note, good night and sweet dreams.

Laughter

I really think there is nothing like hearing a child's laughter to make things seem better.

I'm sitting here this morning listening to my three boys giggling away at some silly TV show. There's no fighting or yelling or "Muuuuum" ... just giggling.

I really do love my boys. I should probably remind myself of that a bit more.




ETA: Less than five minutes later: I shouldn't have blogged about it .. it really was tempting fate! Now I have two out of three in tears and the third is defiantly refusing to go to his room for time-out. At least there's no blood .. this time! The joys of life with children, especially with boys.

Easter and my Dad

I had often wondered how the date of Easter was worked out and knew it had something to do with the lunar cycles, so I finally googled it and found this:

Prior to A.D. 325, Easter was variously celebrated on different days of the week, including Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. In that year, the Council of Nicaea was convened by emperor Constantine. It issued the Easter Rule which states that Easter shall be celebrated on the first Sunday that occurs after the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox. However, a caveat must be introduced here. The "full moon" in the rule is the ecclesiastical full moon, which is defined as the fourteenth day of a tabular lunation, where day 1 corresponds to the ecclesiastical New Moon. It does not always occur on the same date as the astronomical full moon. The ecclesiastical "vernal equinox" is always on March 21. Therefore, Easter must be celebrated on a Sunday between the dates of March 22 and April 25. (http://wilstar.com/holidays/easter.htm)

So now you all know too .. if you didn't already!

My dad always told me that in the northern hemisphere, specifically England, the vernal equinox is regarded as the first day of spring. He said he had only ever remembered that fact from school because the 21st of March just happened to be his birthday!

Speaking of my dad, last Friday would have been his 62nd birthday. I still can't believe that it's been almost 8 years since he died. He was a really wonderful human being and an even better father. I have so much to thank him for and continue to do so, even though he's not physically here with me. He was always there for us, not necessarily in the way we wanted (grounded for life rings a few bells), but now that I'm a parent myself, I can understand almost everything he went through. I am so grateful he chose Mum and I to spend his life with and that he gave me my little sister who is so like him at times, it's scary.

I know he wasn't perfect .. no-one ever is .. but everything he did came from love and wanting to help us grow to make the right decisions for ourselves. He certainly didn't agree with some of them, but he was able to admit when he was wrong and we were right. Not straight away mind you .. it often took a while, but it would happen. In those cases when we were wrong and he was right, I don't think I ever heard him say "I told you so" or "it serves you right". He would just be there on the sidelines waiting to help if we wanted or needed him to.

I really miss just talking to him. We could talk about almost anything. I am very much like him in that I can converse on just about any topic without appearing a fool, but he had the whole thing down pat. He could walk into any room and fit right in, whether it was high society or blue collar. I always admired him for that and his ability to put people at ease.

I'm not 100% sure in what I believe happens to us after we die, but I like to think that wherever he's ended up, be it heaven or as sub-atomic particles floating in the ether, that he's watching over us and that he's proud of himself and the example he set us.

I miss you so much Dad and so do your boys. Love you.

Happy Easter

I know Easter for kids is mostly about the chocolate and that, according to them, there is nothing wrong with eating chocolate for breakfast, but I'm having a little bit of an issue with chocolate for breakfast at 4am! Couldn't they at least wait until 6am when I'm sort of awake to deal with the hyperactivity??

One good thing though .. I'm putting Alex's excess energy to good use. He's currently vacuuming the TV room and as soon as he's finished that, he can do his own room. I'm sure I could keep thinking of things for him to do but very soon I have to put him into the very small two door car and traipse all over the countryside visiting relatives.

Once we've visited the in-laws, it's over to my Mum's house. She mentioned something about taking a drive to Rockingham Beach (about an hour's drive) but I have absolutely no desire to be trapped inside a car with three hyped up boys for that long. Hopefully I can talk her into going to the local pools where they can work off some of their boundless energy, before coming home and falling into a deep 12 hour sleep. Hey .. a girl can dream can't she?

QUIET!!!!

"Mum, can I have some biscuits?"

"Mum, I need my uniform shirt ironed"

"Mum, where's my homework?"

"Mum, he hit me"

"Mum, he started it"

"Mum, I'm still hungry"

"Mum, Mum, Mum, Muuuuummmm, look at me"


That's it! I'm definitely changing my name this time and I'm not telling anyone what the new one is!

Please just be quiet, please, pretty please??

Where is the time going?

I can't believe it's been two whole weeks since I blogged anything. Two whole weeks!! Where has this year disappeared to and why is it in such a hurry to get there?

The last two weeks have been rather .. um .. interesting. I was feeling very uninspired and sloth-like over the long weekend (March 1-3) and had managed to have a very quiet one until Monday morning. Then I got a phone call from Peter telling me his brother, Mark, had been rushed to hospital at Southern Cross (about 150kms from the minesite where they work) with major abdominal pain. Mark was then airlifted to Perth via Royal Flying Doctor Service on Monday morning. The doctors did some tests but couldn't figure out what was causing the pain so they decided to operate at 12 noon. They found about a metre of his small intestine had died and was rotting inside him. Poor guy was cut from chest to groin, put into an induced coma and onto a ventilator in ICU. He was taken off the ventilator on Wednesday afternoon and moved up to a normal ward on Friday. He's now well on the way to recovery but will still have to take it easy for another month or two.

I went over to the hospital and sat with Bec (Mark's wife) while he was being operated on. Another friend (Kirsty) turned up as well so the three of us sat and chatted in the coffee shop at the hospital. When I thought back on those five hours later, I realised how scared Bec must have been, yet she still managed to put that aside and have a normal conversation and even a few laughs.

Isn't it amazing how strong we women can be? When faced with all manner of problems, we put our "faces" on and keep going. Why do we do that though? I think we have to let go of the need to preserve the face for the world and instead, show it how it really is. Not all the time of course, or the world (as our families know it) would come to a screeching halt while we dealt with everything. But to just sometimes give ourselves permission to not be everything to everyone, to not always be the strong one, the happy one, the one with all the answers.

Because, let's face it .. none of us have all the answers.

Growing pains

I have always known this day was coming. I just didn't think it would happen so soon.

I'm talking about the day when my relatively compliant, mostly happy child turned into a snarling, grunting, hormonal almost teenager. It's like someone flicked a switch inside his head the day he started high school and changed his whole view of the world. Apparently the "whole world" (read that as his parents) is "out to get him" (read that as stop him having fun) for absolutely no good reason. And don't even get me started on the homework issue!

It's times like this that I resort to my "little book of sanity". This is a collection of poems, thoughts, essays and letters that I have come across over the years and kept, just in case. I was reading through this book this morning and found this: (with thanks to Adair Lara)

"I just realised that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate - teenagers are cats.

It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts its head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

Then, around age 13 (sometimes earlier), your adoring puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your footsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry - then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

You, not realising that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch, stay and sit on command, you assume you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.

Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell it to sit and it jumps on the counter. The more you go towards it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away.

Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn how to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.

One day, your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big hug and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you." Then you'll realise that, at last, your cat is a dog again."

That pretty much sums up what I'm starting to go through. The operative word is "through" because I'm sure I'll come out the other side.

Alex, however, may not make it to next week!

Breathe in, breathe out, count to 100... repeat as often as is necessary.

Sunrise

I managed to drag myself out of bed early this morning and while I was hanging out washing and bringing in the uniforms for school today, I noticed the colours of the sky. The clouds were all wispy like big tufts of cotton wool, but they were orange and pink and yellow and all the shades in between.

I just had to stop and watch them changing which probably wasted a good ten minutes, but I felt so much better for having just stopped and being at peace. No kids screaming and fighting (they were still asleep), no neighbourhood dogs yapping, no cars revving and speeding down the street. Just peace and quiet and a beautiful sky.

Now I'm off to face the rest of the day and all it entails, but I'm going to take that little bit of peace and tranquility with me.

Nice to be appreciated...

and kind of "blow my own horn".

I got a biiiig box of choccies at work today as a thank you from one of the managers. He gave them to me in front of everyone and told me how much he appreciated the extra effort I put in. What an ego boost!!

I have been helping him out with his paperwork for mostly selfish reasons (it was annoying me) but I also figured that he had so much else to do that it would take a weight of his mind too. I didn't tell him I was doing it; just asked him to sign it when it was done. It was worth it for the surprise on his face .. kind of like giving someone an unexpected present.

Now before anyone gets the wrong idea, this is only one of the managers I help out. All of them (women included) have had their paperwork done by me at times when they're busy with special events. It's just that this one is one of only two who actually say thanks!

Relaxation ...

"You are walking through a beautiful garden. Stop for a moment and.."

"Quick, kill him! Alex, I said, kill him NOW! Let's go!"

"...and smell the tropical flowers. Admire their..."

"Freeze move. Now Brad, grab that cannonball and ..."

"...open the gate. Walk down the steps towards the.."

"Master robot blaster! Now, Drew, now!!"

Ah, the joys of boys while trying to listen to a relaxation CD!

Another week over ..

This week seems to have flown by because it's been so busy but I feel like I haven't actually done anything.

The house resembles a bombsite, there's washing everywhere and let's not even think about the outside of the house! But I have managed to keep everyone fed and clothed with minimal stress so it can't have been too bad. And .. I get to scrap tomorrow!! Yay, some "me" time!!

Group dynamics

My store manager has just started 9 weeks long service leave and man, what a difference in the atmosphere!

Don't get me wrong, he's a nice enough person, but his people management skills suck. Add to that the very strong personality mix we have, and it's a recipe for disaster. Well, a lot of fights anyway. One of the other department managers is off too, another very strong negative personality, so the whole place has such a different feel about it.

I'm trying to work out if it's affecting others as much as me. I am able to get more work done in less time and can actually take a lunch break because I'm not having to deal with him and all the others who try to avoid him and come to me. Mind you, they are still coming to me, but they don't have to get through him first .. cutting out the middle (management) man. LOL!

Back to my original thought, it really is amazing how much a situation can change just by removing or modifying one single element/person. I know there's been lots of studies done about just that, but until you see it, you just don't realise how much we are all inter-connected, whether it's negative or positive.

I'm off to try to be a positive influence on the world around me .. for today at least!!

Thoughts, words, actions ...

"Watch your 'Thoughts,' they become words.

Watch your 'Words,' they become actions.

Watch your 'Actions,' they become habits.

Watch your 'Habits,' they become character.

Watch your 'Character,' for it becomes your Destiny."

Don't know where this came from but it struck a chord with me today ...

A very wise woman said to me ...

"THE DESTINATION IS NOT NEARLY AS IMPORTANT AS THE JOURNEY ...

I have come to conclusion that waiting for something "great" to happen is really rather stupid - I miss so much while I am waiting!"

A variation on "Happiness is in the journey, not at the destination" but just what I needed to hear at this exact moment in time!

Thanks Deb.

Looking back ...

The SS Blog challenge (below) made me think a lot more about my childhood and I have realised that I had a really good one.

We moved a lot and, at the time, that was hard to deal with but it helped me become more accepting of different cultures than I would have been if we'd stayed in one place. It's a shame I don't remember more of the earliest years in Singapore and England but I have great memories of the times in Fiji and Hawaii.

I would love to go back to Fiji some day, hopefully soon, but I know it won't be the same. A lot of the places we lived aren't there anymore and we all know how time enhances some memories to make them seem grander than they really are.

Maybe I'll just hang on to my versions of the memories instead ...

SS blog challenge #3

"When the phone is ringing, the doorbell is going off, kids are yelling, laundry is overwhelming and dinner has burned and you sit down to a cup of tea, where do you let your mind go?"

Somewhere .. anywhere .. far, far away!

Seriously though, I don't seem to have a particular "happy place", more like happy times.

The ones I've been thinking about the most lately is the family holidays we had at the Paradise Point Motel in Fiji, when I was about 6 years old. It was right on the beach and they had a great pool with a log across it, that I used to walk across pretending I was some jungle explorer, while Dad used to be the crocodile in the water trying to pull me in. There was a juke box just outside the reception area that took 5c pieces and I spent almost all of my 50c pocket money playing the Kiss song "I was made for loving you baby". Probably not the best song for a 6 year old to be listening to but oh well! Everytime I hear that song, I'm transported back there.

Overall, I think I just go to a "place" where things were easier. I probably go back to times spent in Fiji as a child more than anywhere else, but I also go back to teenage years with the flush of first love, first real kiss and no real responsibilities.

Today I will ...

achieve at least some of what I set out to do so that I can go out tonight and not feel guilty.

Some of the girls from work are going out to a local bar/restaurant tonight and have invited me along. At first, I said no, because Peter is away and so is Mum, so I didn't have a sitter. One of the girls wouldn't take no for an answer (apparently I need this LOL) and asked her daughter to sit with the boys so guess what .. I'm going out and dammit, I'm going to enjoy it!

my little maestro

Drew(10) went back to piano lessons this morning, very nervous about how much he hadn't practiced over the holidays. Both he and I were pleasantly surprised by how much he remembered.

I enjoy going with him to his lessons, even though it puts my teeth on edge at times (those wrong notes make me jump!) and I like watching his face when he "gets" it. He is such a serious child at times that it's good to see him enjoying the whole experience. I hope he will continue to get joy from music even if he doesn't end up playing when he's older.

A new day...

Every new day gives us the opportunity to start again.

Obviously there are quite a lot of things that can't be fixed just by going to sleep and waking up again, but there are lot that can. Especially if you (I) make a conscious effort to not make the same mistakes again. Habits are hard things to break but here goes...