As I sit here listening to my children decimate what is left of their brain cells as they watch The Simpsons yet again, I have many, many thoughts flitting in and out of the bottomless pit that is my conscious brain. For instance,
- why do I let them watch The Simpsons within earshot, subjecting myself to more repetitions of d'oh and the ensuing cackles of laughter than is humanly bearable, when I know I'm going to hear it again word-for-word in the car on the way to school in the morning?
- I'm soooo sick of hearing (and seeing) that stupid AAMI insurance ad with the swans and the cars on the freeway bridge. Luckee-ee-ee you're with AAMI my shiny white backside .. should be luckee-ee-ee I don't know where you advertising people live or I'd come around to your place and subject you to endless repetitions of my children singing your stupid jingle everywhere we go and in Andrew's case, in his sleep, as well as the endless questions about what the actual ad is supposed to be telling people while it's on the TV. (Have to have 'TV' last in that sentence so it rhymes with the luckee-ee-ee part.)
- what on earth have the children been feeding that dog to make him smell that bad? cough, cough, cough ... medic required ASAP!! (Sorry for any spelling mistakes at this point but my eyes are streaming from the toxic cloud floating through the room. Hopefully it won't strip the paint from the walls .. I already have enough painting to do!)
- jeez this muffin tastes baaad! Note to self: when recipe says use a grated green apple, don't try to improvise with a grated red apple that has probably been in the fridge since just after the dawn of time (or has been put back in the fridge at the beginning of last week after spending the week before that in the bottom of someone's school bag), even if it is the only apple you have. Go without making apple muffins if you have to .. make chocolate ones instead!
- I really hope I get a good grade for presentation on the project Andrew handed in this morning. Considering I have no creative inclinations whatsoever at the moment, I think it worked out pretty well for a five minute rush job after a night with almost no sleep due to trying to cough up half a lung and while trying to get the other two dressed enough to go to school, refereeing the inevitable fights over who gets to sit in the front seat on the way to school whilst reminding them that it doesn't really matter who sits in the front seat if they're all dead so just get dressed already or they'll all be going to their funerals in their pyjamas and they better not be the ones with holes in them because I told them to throw those ones out last week and for the love of all that is holy, GET DRESSED ALREADY!
- inhale-2-3-4-5, exhale-2-3-4-5, inhale-2-3-4-5, exhale-2-3-4-5 ... repeat
ad nauseumas necessary.
- Ikea should offer a counselling service for people like me, who want everything in the storage and organisation sections but who can't afford to buy it all now, this instant! Nothing OCD happening here people .. move along .. nothing to see here .. except for the whimpering mess under the desk who really wants a whole room full of Billy bookshelves with the extensions on top and the cute little lighting system that suits it so well and some of those lovely frosted-glass-front doors and the big Expedit shelves with the made-to-fit woven storage baskets and the wonderful drawers and doors for the kitchen that close themselves quietly and the drawer organisers for the kitchen and some of those cute little shadowbox frames and ....
- why is it that the child who is forever telling me to not waste water is the one who has the longest showers?
- the neighbours need to pick some different music or change the bass settings on their stereo. It currently sounds like a very unco-ordinated elephant trying to tap dance on a wooden floor .. ooops spoke too soon .. now it sounds like an amplified version of the elephant's heartbeat after attempting aforementioned tap dancing but right before the complete meltdown of its entire cardiovascular system. I could be wrong though .. it might have been a hippo and not an elephant.
And now that I have displayed my state of total lunacy for the entire internet to see, I think I may go take some more cold medication and turn in for the night.
Stay tuned and I'll let you know what I turn into ...