Thursday, 18 March 2010

Letters I'd like to write ...

also known as: "things I have to stop myself from blurting out in case I get hurt".

  • to the man sitting at the traffic lights: putting your window all the way up before picking your nose does not make you invisible. Incredible as it may seem, glass is actually transparent and we could all see exactly what you were doing. Thanks for that .. NOT!!
  • to the parent who flipped me off in the drop-off lane: I'm so sorry I dared to indicate my intention to move out in front of you and then, after seeing you stop in the through traffic lane to let your children out (naughty, naughty .. very dangerous!), pulling out in front of you, leaving at least four car lengths between us 'just in case'. Good thing I did, as how was I to know you were going to roar up behind me and do your own little impersonation of the road runner .. beep beep! Next time, I will make sure you have exited the drop off lane school zone hemisphere before I even attempt to do things by the rules.
  • to the rude little 'darlings' who (a) throw money across the counter at me, (b) grunt and scowl at me when I wait for you to pick it up and put it in my hand nicely and (c)conveniently forget all semblance of manners in the process, all while I'm on canteen duty: do that again and I will ensure I personally squash, mutilate, mangle and otherwise destroy every item of food you wish to purchase. Oh and I might just forget my maths and give you the wrong change .. not that you'd notice because you're too busy being up yourself!! (disclaimer: most of them are really good and have had manners instilled into them. There's just a select little group who think they are above interacting politely with the 'help').
  • to the woman who snatched the shopping trolley out of my hands because she "saw it first": I realise that getting a good shopping trolley, one that goes in the direction you want it to, is becoming an increasingly rare occurrence, but snatching it off me .. did you really need it that badly? And how stupid did you feel when it turned out to be a dodgy one that I was just moving out of the way to get to the decent one behind it? Karma, lady .. go look it up!
  • to the young people wearing clothes that are totally the wrong size: I think you should all swap clothes. The guys with pants 3 sizes too big, that hang down to their knees, and the very large girls wearing shorts 3 sizes too small, and therefore so tight we can all see what they had for breakfast the day before, should all swap clothes so that they all have some chance going out in public without blinding all those around them with flashes of underwear or worse! Just a little hint people, underwear is called underwear for a reason!

Thus endeth my gripe session.

What gets your goat? Let me know in the comments .. please?!

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