Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Some of the things in my head right now...

I have so many things running through my head right now and have a need to get some of them out so I can filter through them all to decide what's actually important. Apologies to those who were hoping for some profound words of wisdom (snort!)

I have been seeing a hypnotherapist to try and help me with my weight issues. Despite having the lap-band, I have managed to persist with my old, bad habits of comfort eating and making the wrong food choices. This morning I made the decision to stop seeing her as I haven't noticed any improvement in these behaviours and really can't justify the cost involved, especially as I don't get any money back from my private health fund. I'm sure that if it was working, I would find a way to pay for it but as it's not, I'm letting it go. I have lost 19 kilos but I still have about 25 to go and I need to get myself into the right head space. "If it is to be, it's up to me!"

Bradley's hypnosis seemed to have worked well until the last couple of days. He isn't back to having 'accidents', but is also not 'going' as he should be. Looks like more intervention is required .. oh yay!! (Please note the dripping sound .. that would be the sarcasm!) It's just difficult finding the right balance between too little and too much interference. I don't want to make his body dependent on the medications to be able to function but at the same time, he obviously needs some help or we end up in the emergency room. The possible complications, whilst unlikely, are enough of a possibility to make me want to avoid them at all costs.

We can't really afford to go on our holiday to Queensland but seeing that we would lose all the money we have paid out so far (over $4500), we have made the decision to go and try to enjoy ourselves anyway. We were originally supposed to be going for a family reunion (of all the cousins on Peter's side) but the plans for that never eventuated, so we're just going for a holiday instead. The boys are looking forward to it so I will just put my game face on and get on with it. I realise this probably sounds incredibly ungrateful .. I mean we are going on an interstate family holiday to one of the more popular tourist destinations in Australia .. and I'm sure everything will work out fine but I guess I'm just too much of a homebody at the moment to want to go anywhere else. To quote myself though: "Suck it up, Princess!"

Speaking of money, I really need to get a job. There's not much point in applying for jobs yet, due to the holiday in a few weeks, but I am going ever-so-slightly-crazy being at home. Then there's the whole what-sort-of-job-do-I-want/am-qualified-for, full-time-or-part-time and local-or-further-afield questions to answer. Peter wants me to go back to work full-time but I don't want to do that with him being away so much. I know there are lots of parents, single and partnered, who don't have the luxury of choosing not to work full-time, but I do and I want to be there for the kids at least some of the afternoons during the week. Plus, I think working full-time and dealing with teenage boys would tip the scale so far into the crazy spectrum that it would take forever to tip it back. Oh well, I'll cross that bridge when we get back from Queensland.

I have managed to do some of the things around the house that I have been meaning/wanting to do for ages. You know, stupid things like emptying out cupboards to clean the shelves, organising bookshelves, finding the floor in the laundry .. stuff like that. I have also managed to paint a feature wall in the master bedroom, just in time for Peter to come home and help me to empty the water bed, fix the bed frame and move it all. Here's hoping it all fits and looks good after all that. Next up is painting the boys' bathroom .. the idea of which started the whole bathroom re-tiling saga of 2009 and still has not been started, yet alone finished!

All this introspection has made me thirsty, so I'm going to take myself off to find some refreshingly cold water and then start re-assembling the bombsite that is my bedroom. If you got this far, thanks for listening/reading and hope everything is going well in your respective parts of the world.

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