Translations for the Easter school holidays ...

Said: "Mum! I'm hungry!"
Means: "Mum! There's still approximately 14.6 kilos of fat coated sugar in the form of Easter eggs in the fridge and I wish to consume all of it this very second!"

Said: "OK. I'll only have one egg."
Means: "I'll only have one egg .. the biggest one there. It's not that big really .. it would only feed a small African nation for a week."

Said: "Muuuuummmm! He took my (insert appropriate thing here)!"
Means: "He took my thing because I took his thing first and I'm counting on the fact that you're sick of hearing this already and will tell him off and not me. And if I look appropriately upset, I may even get another lot of chocolate out of you."

Said: "When are we going to do something interesting?"
Means: "I have absolutely no idea of how much anything costs and don't really care. Just sell a kidney and take me to the movies already!"

Said: "Mum. Muum. Muuum. Muuuumm!"
Means: "I like the colour your face goes when I do this 10 times an hour. It reminds me of the colour of my Easter egg wrappers."

Said: big thump, silence then "Aaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh! Muuuuummmm!" followed by loud sobbing.
Means: "You better have up-to-date health insurance because I think I just broke something!"

Said: "Mum? Did you know that set of candles on top of the bookcase don't fly very well? "
Means: "Mum? I managed to totally annihilate half the things on the top of the bookcase with only one throw of the tennis ball that you've told me about 1000 times today to stop throwing inside. Aren't I clever?"

Said: "I love you Mummy."
Means: Can mean many things:

• "Can I have another Easter egg/drink of hyperactivity inducing cordial/useless piece of plastic masquerading as a toy/shred of your sanity to add to my growing collection?"
• "Do we really have to go to bed now? It's only 10pm!"
• "I have broken something precious to you, have hidden the evidence in a very obvious place and have every intention of denying all knowledge of said broken thing, all while blaming my brothers."
• "I want something but haven't quite decided what yet, so I'll just stall until it comes to me."
• and last, but not least "I love you, Mummy!"

Said:"Yes honey; I love you too. Now get down off the ceiling and go to bed. It's midnight."
Means: "Yes honey; I love you too. Now if I could just find that taser I'd be able to better remember why! Where in heaven's name is the Bailey's? Mummy needs a nightcap!"