It just keeps getting weirder around here ...

My Mum just went and got her phone so she could ring one of the boys at the other end of the house.

The really weird thing is that she didn't want to talk Drew herself .. she wanted to let Brutus tell Drew that he was hungry and wanted his dinner!

Basically she just made a mobile to mobile phone call so the dog could bark down the phone ...

... (whispering) save me ... save me now!

Being a sheep ...

... and following along with the flock doing a "quick" 2013 round up.

January:

• Still (quietly) patting myself on the back for winning Austral Bricks WA Employee of the Year for 2012.  The fact that I managed to (unintentionally) insult the Managing Director and keep my job apparently got me more points than all the work I did, but I'll take the win (and the $1500 Flight Centre voucher .. woohoo!  I can see a nice holiday in my future).
• Actually went out quad bike riding with the boys (all four of them) and didn't kill myself, break anything or hurt anyone else .. go me!
• Celebrated Alex's friend Chris' 18th birthday at Sizzler's in Kelmscott.
• Managed to get some more of the backyard finished and made some quirky crafty items for my upcoming birthday.  Bowls made from old records anyone?

February:

• Finally got the backyard landscaping guy to come back and finish it.
• Turned 40 ... aaaargghh!!  Celebrated with a 70's themed birthday party and had a great time.
• My 'baby' boy, Brad, turned 14!  Where is the time going??

March:

• Painted the 'spare' room for Mum to move into while she builds her new house.
• Tried my hand at fruit and vege gardening...

April:

• Let Alex drive us up to Ikea for a day out only to have his car die on the Cedric St off-ramp .. thank God for RAC road patrol! $250 for a new battery later, we were able to get his car going again just in time to go home.
• Celebrated Debbie's 50th birthday with high tea at Little Nich's Cafe.  Nice food, dribbly teapots and lovely company .. great day!!
• Clare came over to have a ride on the scooter to practise for her trip to Greece.  
• Commiserated with Deb over her baby, Amy, turning 16.

May:

• Had an early Mother's Day celebration with Mum, Clare, Rich and my tribe at the Mundijong Pub.  Peter and Richard went for a country motorbike ride first and met us there.
• Took Andrew and Debbie to see Cirque Du Soleil's OVO show.  Fantastic night out except for the bucketing down rain :-(
• Mum moved in.
• Went to Tasmania for our 20th wedding anniversary with no kids and using the voucher I won. Awesome but tiring (not for the reason you think ... get your mind out of the gutter!)
• Had another Mother's Day celebration when we got back from Tassie.  Love, hugs and presents .. yay!
• My middle baby, Drew, turned 16.  He booked himself in for his learner's test and passed first time ... go Drew!!

June:

• Ate the first apple from the Pinkabelle tree.  
• Got a wild idea to rip my wedding dress apart and use (what I thought was a hug amount of) fabric for other purposes. (Didn't get very far with that .. there was nowhere near as much silk in the skirt as I thought there was ..oh well).  Made Brad pose for photos in the bodice of the dress, mean mummy that I am!
• Painted Drew's bedroom wall with "racing stripes".  He likes it even if no-one else does!!

July:

• Had to race Xena to the vet in the middle of the night once we worked out that she had eaten almost a whole box of dark chocolate.  Got home at 2am and had to go back to pick her up at 8am to avoid paying another day's worth of ICU charges.  
• Went to Sydney for a work trip ... on the same day that I had raced Xena to the vet.  Couldn't sleep on plane so had an early night when I got there.  Found out that the company hadn't paid for the accommodation in advance so got hit with a huge bill on check out.  Thank goodness for 'secret stash' money...
• Took another trip to Ikea and found some inspiration for what to do on the long wall in the family room.  Besta bookshelves are my new best friend ... I think.

August:

• Had a night at the shed, just Peter and I (despite vowing not to go .. a girl can change her mind!)
• Drew had his first official driving school driving lesson.
• Finally got floor coverings in the bedrooms .. spotted gum floorboards.

September:

• My first 'little baby', Alex turned 18 and somehow became 6'1" tall ... waaahhhh!!  j/k .. so proud of him for the hurdles he's overcome and the wonderful young man he is.  Love you son!
• Had a belated Father's Day (as it was on Alex's birthday .. how rude!)
• Drew bought his first car, a Longreach Falcon ute, which was brought home on the Sunday afternoon and then stolen in the early hours of the Thursday afternoon.  Fire brigade found it on fire and reported it to police.  By the time the Police got there, it had been stolen again and still hasn't been recovered.  Thank goodness for insurance!
• Did some more crafty/practical projects that I will slowly be updating over the next couple of weeks .. I promise!

October:

• Took a week off work during school holidays and spent some time with my growing-way-too-quick boys.
• Thought about going to the Perth Royal Show(for about an hour), regained my sanity and stayed home instead.  Saved amount of money equivalent to the GDP of a small African nation.

November:

• Drew got his official Certificate II in light automotive servicing ..well done!
• Took yet another trip to Ikea .. just because.
• Got the windows tinted in our bedroom, the home theatre (or as I call it, the lounge room), the family room and Alex's bedroom.  Makes a huge difference to the amount of heat coming in from outside.
• Peter bought a new bigger motorbike.  Continued to hassle me about getting my bike licence ...

December:

• Put up the tree with the boys with minimal grumbling (from me!)
• Drew picked up his new car .. 1999 Lantra with very low km's for it's age.
• Made three Pepparkaka Hus kits from Ikea (otherwise known as gingerbread houses for English speakers).  Used an entire year's worth of lollies and royal icing between the three .. yum!!
• Had Christmas breakfast at home, lunch at Mark and Bec's and home again for dinner.
• Quiet day at home on Boxing Day, then out for dinner with Nonnie and Clare down in Shoalwater.
• For Peter's 47th birthday my lovely boss let me take half a day off so we had lunch at Hog's Breath in Kelmscott, then home for presents.  Managed to surprise him with the Springsteen tickets I'd bought back in September as well as the usual littler presents from the boys.
• Quiet New Year's at home with the boys (Mum went out .. has a better social life then me!).  Managed to see in the New Year, then slept like a log until 9am.

So there you go, a whole year in a rather large nutshell.  Here's hoping I can get my shit together slightly more organised this year and manage to post some of the happenings as (or soon after) they happen.

 A girl's got to have dreams ... right? 

Christmas already?

Well, we'd been in the house a grand total of three weeks when we had (early) Christmas dinner here. I know, we're totally crazy but it seemed like a good idea at the time and it went very well considering the number of boxes still lying around and the noticeable lack of air conditioning.

Apart from some mad rummaging through boxes at the last minute to find the right amount of crockery and cutlery, it was a good evening. Mark, Bec and the kids made the hour long trek from their place in south Geraldton (It's really Ellenbrook but it's sooo far away, we have dubbed it south Geraldton); Clare and Richard made their own 45 minute trek from East Vic Park and the Mums came from a little bit closer (only 28km or so). 

We set up three tables in the dining/family rooms and covered with them with the good old faithful (still unhemmed) pieces of green fabric I bought to make pelmets at least two houses ago.

Despite most of the decorations not having been put up this year (couldn't find them!), I made an effort to make the table look a bit festive by putting some battery operated Christmas lights into some big glass vases I've had for years (still trying to work out why I keep them as I never hardly ever get flowers and certainly not bunches big enough to fill these vases).  I then came to the conclusion that they would probably look much better in a much darker room. Oh well, I thought they were pretty and, realistically, that's all that matters .. right?



Mark on the flying fox

After dinner my Mum, ever the motivator, had us all up and out for a walk around the neighbourhood. We headed for the main park as it has some play equipment. I think the adults had more fun playing on the flying fox and 'wobbly plank' than the kids did!  



Clare needing a helping hand

 

We headed back to the house for some dessert and then Alex brought out the gingerbread house he made in cooking class at school. He had been saving it for when everyone was together so we all had a taste. It was a little bit stale from having sat wrapped in cellophane for over a week but still tasted very good ... to me anyway! Soon after we broke off the first few pieces, Alex and Mark had a bit of a carving contest.



It ended up looking like something you'd find in serial killer's planning room ... knives stuck in everywhere!

All in all, we had a great evening surrounded by family and laughter ... what more could you ask for?

Missing in action ...

... and oh so much action!! As is typical for most people at this time of year, we have been rather busy. Here's a brief update on some of the happenings around here:



Dec 1: Alex finished school and had his river cruise.


Dec 2: I decided to take on the rather fiddly task of making cake pops and went to Clare and Richard's for dinner for Clare's birthday.

Dec 3: Went to work and skipped out for an hour to watch Brad receive a certificate for participating in the Maths Olympiad this year.

Dec 4: Took on the even more fiddly task of making Christmas themed cake pops which turned out quite well, if I do say so myself (and I do!)

Dec 5: Had a lovely child-free High Tea at Nicola's house with Debbie, Tracey, Irene and Nicola (of course!)

Dec 6: Bradley had his Year Six Dinner Dance (to which I forgot to take my camera when dropping him off .. aaarrggh!) He came home feeling a bit under the weather due to the volume of soft drink consumed but soon perked up once home.

Dec 8: Attended Primary Praise and Thanksgiving at school and watched Brad up on stage as part of the graduating class of 2010, singing and dancing his way to the end of year 6. Upon returning home, I was unable to get into the garage due to an uninvited guest taking up residence right where my tyres would have gone ... a bobtail lizard. I didn't run him over and just left him to find his own way back from whence he came, which he did .. eventually!


Dec 9: A day when the children had great fun dressing the dog up in his blanket and turning him into "Superdog".


Dec 10: Peter arrived home and Andrew immediately pounced on him and begged to be taken to have his ear pierced. Due to school uniform rules, he's not allowed an earring at school so we had to wait until the beginning of the longest school holidays of the year before having it done, to enable it to heal sufficiently to remove the earring during the day. Apparently it didn't hurt as much as he expected it to but that didn't stop him from being very careful about removing shirts over his head for a week or two!

Dec 12: Due to Peter not being home for Christmas, we had an early Christmas with extended family. Mark, Bec and the kids, Clare and Richard, my Mum and Pete's Mum all came for a lovely lunch followed up by Christmas pudding, pavlova and more Christmas themed cake pops. All the kids (and the adults too!) had a great time opening presents and just enjoying each other's company.


Dec 13: Watched Brad playing with his new skateboard thingy ... one like a Ripstik called a Switchblade. Watched Brad fall off numerous time as he tried to get the hang of it. Rejoiced with him when he managed to a full circuit of the back pationwithout falling off!


Dec 16: Peter left to go back up to work.


Dec 17-23: Tried to organise kids and self for planned holiday at Moore River with Mum, Clare and Rich.


Dec 23: My Mum arrived to whisk the children off to Moore River for the extended long weekend. I got to stay home by myself for one night then joined them up there on Dec 24.


Dec 24-28: Enjoyed a lovely (very hot .. thank God for air conditioning!) weekend away complete with another Christmas lunch, more presents and lots of lounging around by the beach/river and at 'home' in the holiday house.


Dec 29: Washed (what seemed like) every item of linen and clothing in the house while trying to make sure I had presents organised for Peter's birthday.

Dec 30: Tried to ring and message Peter to wish him a happy birthday but he was 'feeling unwell' and 'unable to work' so his mobile phone was turned off. Eventually sat back and resolved to wish him happy birthday the next day (when he was due home) only to have him turn up at home in time for dinner. Gave him all his presents and thanked the heavens that I had the children make him his birthday cake that day instead of leaving it 'til he was actually home.

Dec 31: Had a very quiet New Year's Eve at home and was in bed by 10:30pm ... Boy are we getting old!

Jan 1: Realised it was time I started getting organised for the children to go back to school. Freaked out majorly over cost of school fees, uniforms and book lists then had to go lie down. Decided to face that after next pay day.

Jan 2-5: Did very good impersonations of a sloth and a meerkat on crack ... not at the same time obviously! The sloth was happy to just lie around, reading books and consuming whatever snack type food put in front of her. The meerkat on crack would walk into a room, spin her head around surveying the room and then bark out orders to "move this, clean that and what on earth are those and why are they there?" before scampering off to the next room. The meerkat impersonation usually only lasted a small amount of time before the sloth took over again and as a result the house still looks like the proverbial bombsite but is slowly getting better.

Now I'm off to fill out more applications for jobs and cross my fingers that I actually get an interview for at least one. Wish me luck!

The school holidays (with major apologies to Billy Joel)

It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd staggers in
Wiping sleep from their eyes, they all stare at me
Then, as one, they all begin

Mum, can I have lollies for breakfast?
It is school holidays you know
And you promised that we could go out today
But not ‘til after my show.

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da dum

Chorus:
Give us some food
You’re the mother here
Give us something to do
We’re all bored out of our tiny minds
And it’s your job to fix up our blues

Mum, I need something to do right now
I’m bored and I don’t want to think
So what should I do with myself today?
Yes I know there are dishes in the sink

But what does that have to do with me?
Why do I always have to clean?
It’s not just me that made all this mess
So why do I have to make it gleam?

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Mum, I have nothing to wear today
Where are all of my jocks?
Whaddayamean they’re all on the floor of my room
Right next to my very smelly socks.

You should have washed them all by now
It is your job after all
Hey Mum, why do your eyes look so weird right now?
Mum, stop banging your head against the wall!

Chorus:
Give us some food
You’re the mother here
Give us something to do
We’re all bored out of our tiny minds
And it’s your job to fix up our blues

It’s a pretty good crowd for a bail hearing
The defence lawyer gives me a smile
'Cos she knows I’ll be free 'fore the clock strikes three
Every mother’s been there for a while

In the place where chocolate is your best friend
And sedatives are nothing to fear
Where you sit and stare blankly at these four walls
And wonder how the hell did I get here?

Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum

Chorus:
Give us some food
You’re the mother here
Give us something to do
We’re all bored out of our tiny minds
And it’s your job to fix up our blues


Happy School Holidays everyone!

Dear Donna ...

Long time no see speak! In case you hadn't gathered, this is the Universe popping in for one of my little 'helpful hints' talks. Let's get started shall we?

1. First and foremost: when moving house, make sure you are wearing underwear that actually fits and is comfortable! Spending most of the day trying to find a quiet corner to discreetly deal with the mother of all wedgies is not conducive to actually getting anything done. Spending the rest of the day trying to prevent said underwear from falling out the bottom of your 3/4 pants is also not exactly productive. And for heaven's sake, don't wear a new bra. It will dig into places you didn't know you had and cause bruises you will take weeks to get over. Both undies and bra will make for some embarrassing moments with the removalists. Hopefully your face is back to it's normal shade of pink instead of the flaming red you wore for most of the day.
2. Asking the children to 'put things away' in their new rooms is bound to result in stuff being thrown through in the doorway and left wherever it lands. I realise this is not that different from how they used to put things away in the old house, but as you are still trying to move furniture and large, heavy boxes, it may be advisable to be a bit a lot more specific about where things should go. For example: "Put your clothes into the correct drawers of your chest of drawers and not on the floor" is going to save a least four ankle turns, two stubbed toes and one almost broken arm.
3. You can survive without a phone and internet and for longer than you think. However, your children will think their eyes have been gouged out with a rusty safety pin if they go more than 12 hours without access to facebook, runescape and a various assortment of mind-numbing flash games. All I can say to this is stock up on chocolate, Valium, earplugs and tranquiliser darts. Oh, and make sure you know which box the alcohol is in!
4. Next time, try moving a bit closer to Christmas. The children will find so many things they had 'lost' that it will save you money on Christmas presents as they will have heaps to entertain themselves with (and to fight over who it actually belonged to in the first place).
5. Even though your kitchen was the first thing to be moved, make sure to claim ignorance of where anything is placed in the new kitchen. This will ensure takeaway (and no dishes) for at least four nights after you move in. This will unfortunately leave a rather large dent in the food budget for the week but it is worth it to save your sanity. Oh, and find a rental with a dishwasher next time (not that there will be a next time but make sure the new house has one before you move in!)
6. Get used to the fact that you will be living in a house full of boxes of stuff you 'need' but don't have a space for ... yet. Just tell the children that the boxes are giant cardboard Lego pieces when they start to complain about the boxes blocking the view to the TV and suggest that they build themselves a nice jail cell soundproof room 'cubby house' instead of whingeing whining moaning politely voicing their discontent.

Now that we have some of those things settled, I would suggest that you keep this list handy for next year when you get to do it all again.

Your friend,

The Universe

We survived the show. However, the post showbag sugar rush has only just started winding down ...

... and I am ready to kill the inventors of M&Ms ... specifically the person who decided bright blue food colouring was the ideal coating for a chocolate filled sugar coated sweet. Alex's teeth and lips are a beautiful shade of mottled blue. If we lived in a cooler climate I would be taking him to hospital on suspicion of hypothermia!

Then the fact that he is a teensy bit slightly OK, majorly 'sensitive' to blue and yellow food colouring, has meant an interesting couple of days. Yes I know I could have taken them away from him, but where's the blog post fun in that? (I tried to get a photo but retreated before he literally broke the camera. Teenage boys don't seem to like having their photo taken, as is evidenced by the number of photos of hands in front of faces that are now languishing in my archives.)

Overall though, we had a great day out and were home by 3pm. We arrived nice and early (9:20am) and managed to look at everything we wanted to see before the real crowds started arriving just before lunch. The first stop was the cake decorating (which all the kids had asked to see .. I know .. wonders will never cease!) We all had a laugh at the look on this groom's face:

and this couple:
Very well made, but my favourite was still the little mice peeking out from all sorts of places in this farmyard scene:

After the cakes, we checked out the sheepdog trials, log chopping, needlework/craft display (for Bec's gorgeous cross stitch sampler) and the dairy pavilion. Then it was on to the worst best part of the show ... sideshow alley. Thank goodness we were there early otherwise I would be writing this from the East Perth lock-up or Graylands Mental Hospital ... no sensory overload issues here!

Brad and Amy went on the bumper cars then had a go at an air powered cannon/gun thing where Brad won his new favourite stuffed toy, Whipper the dolphin. Then it was on to the laughing clowns where he won the only thing he wanted to buy ... a ninja sword. (It didn't stop him from buying another two anyway!) Amy had a go at climbing a horizontal, rotating ladder (and fell off) and Alex made his way around to the Scouting display and tried to go the whole distance around the rock climbing wall without touching the ground. He probably would have made it if there weren't so many little kids .. how rude!! :P

While Andrew ate lunch (no-one else was hungry ... weird!) we watched the dog judging then I sent the kids off to buy show bags while I wandered for a while on my own (bliss!). I checked out the photography and art exhibitions, the "only at the show" specials pavilion and the baby animal nursery before meeting up with the now-broke children. Much to my surprise, they said they'd had enough and were quite happy to go home with their diabetic-coma-in-a-bag spoils.

We caught the train home, where I retreated to the safety of my lounge chair with a magazine for some down time. When it got a little bit too quiet, I ventured down to the games room and found the spoils of the day spread from one end of the room to the other. Oh well, at least they had fun picking out the bags even if the contents only last a day or two.

Now I just have to get a job to pay for next year's expedition!

Today is the day ...

... we find out if all our hopes and dreams, well the ones about building the new house anyway, will come true. Nothing like a bit of pressure there Universe!

The people wanting to buy our house have until close-of-business today to let us know if their finance has been approved. I admit I have been and, truth be told still am, a little bit worried that it may all fall through.

It's the pessimist in me; the one I try not to let out into the bright light of day but that somehow still manages to escape the confines of my happy pills and rear it's very ugly head at the most inopportune times ... like now!


Today is also the last day I can use 'not going to the Royal Show' as a threat. It has come in handy these last few days and has even motivated Alex to listen to my request for him to mow the lawns. I've been asking him to do it for the last two weeks, so the fact that he is currently outside battling with the triffids masquerading as lawn, shows how seriously he takes the possibility of missing out on enough fairy floss to induce a diabetic coma. Ooh, that reminds me, I must find the tranquiliser darts and gun before tonight to make sure I pack them into my bag for tomorrow.

The other two slaves children are currently vacuuming and polishing anything and everything that stands still long enough ... including the poor dog! I don't think Mr Sheen furniture polish will do much for the shine on his coat but I suppose it's worth a try. (j/k ... he escaped long before that was even an option. You can put the phone down now .. no need to involve the RSPCA!)

I am wondering about what evil little impulse prompted the Universe to make me offer to take the children to the Show. Am I being punished for some past life transgression or was it the optimist in me taking over briefly with a reassurance that 'surely it won't be as bad as last time'? I mean yes, they are another year older and hopefully another year wiser (a girl has to have dreams!) but that also involves wanting more freedom to not look at the things I want to see. Luckily, at least two of the kids coming with me, and teenagers at that, want to see the cake decorating and baby animals so I will count myself amongst the fortunate!


Now I am off to:

.. do some more of the Mt Everest of washing that always seems to appear at school holiday time

.. go to the tile shop to work out exactly how many square metres of tiles we require to make the new house habitable before moving in. (Not doing the living on bare concrete floors thing again .. the hay fever was unbelievable last time!)

.. buy the necessary flavoured milks to enable 'free' entry into the show tomorrow (saving me a whole $36 so it's well worth it!)

.. pack a couple more boxes of stuff that we absolutely must keep but don't use.

.. bath the dog (or make an appointment at the doggy salon for him to have a bath and haircut .. option two sounds way more appealing!)

.. other stuff that I know I have to do but can't think of right now...

Enjoy your day and if you don't hear from me by the end of the week, my new address will be c/- Graylands Mental Hospital, Perth WA.

Missing in action

.. and boy, so much action!! (and not the kind of 'action' that half of you are thinking of, so get your minds above the belt and with the program people! Sheesh!!)

Anyway, as I started to say before your dirty minds led us down a whole 'nother road of moral issues, we've been busy around here lately. I can honestly say that my house hasn't looked like this in ages in a very long time ever!

I'm actually scared to let the children into the house for fear they will breathe and all the banished dust bunnies and spiders will use that little bit of extra oomph to stage their hostile takeover, rendering all our hard work a total waste of time. However, they (the children, not the dust bunnies) objected to sleeping in the car park next door so I had to let them back in, with strict instructions to keep a look out for rampaging hordes of disgruntled evictees.

The photos are being taken this morning at 10am and I still have to:

• clean 2 bathrooms,
• replace all the mismatched towels in said bathrooms with colour co-ordinated ones,
• do the breakfast dishes,
• make the boys' beds to 'mummy' standards,
• vacuum carpets,
• mop tiles,
• dust (again! Where does it all come from?)
• convince husband to pack up his 'stuff' from the floor of the bedroom,
• recover from 'convincing' husband,
• and about a hundred other things that I will only think of once the photographer has left and I am perusing the photos on the website.

Yet here I sit telling anyone who will listen that I have so much to do and so little time!

Oh-oh .. husband is home from taking the kids to school. I think I'm about to get 'motivated' in a big way! If you don't hear from me by the weekend, send in a search party.

I'll probably be buried in the garage under everything else we've 'hidden' down there.

Bring heavy digging equipment and sniffer dogs ...

Woohoo .. the finance is approved!

Now we're in more debt .. oh yay!!

Seriously though, it's great news 'cos it means we're one step closer to moving into the home we have all had some input into. Peter will have his hhuuugggeee garage, I will have my central kitchen, practical linen cupboard and pantry, rooms that aren't traffic areas, lots of storage space and heaps more. Even the boys have put forward several ideas for the new place we're building; some of which have been accepted and more which have not. At least they're helping!

Now we just have to:

• pick colours for tiles, roofing materials, bricks, bench tops and walls,
• work out where all the lights and power points are going (and then add more .. can never have too many power points!),
• deal with inevitable hiccups in building process
• sort out reticulation and landscaping
• paint everything
• actually move in.

And that is after we/I:

• finish painting this house ready for sale,
• finish throwing out all the accumulated junk,
• finish getting rid of excess furniture (anyone need a student desk with hutch/ set of wall units/ extra desks?)
• sell the house
• find a rental
• move into said rental
• find a job
• work at said job without killing anyone, least of all self or children
• survive living in said rental whilst running around like a headless chook organising everything for the new house

Remind me again why we're doing this?

Andrew wants to die a slow painful death ...

or maybe that's just my interpretation of the way he keeps reminding me of my, in his opinion, extremely advanced age.

Example one:

"I'll help you set up your sewing machine Mum. I know how to thread them and everything."

"OK but be careful. My machine is a bit different from the ones at school."

"You're telling me! Wow, this thing is ancient! Does it plug in or do you have to pedal it?"


Example two:

"Mum, did you watch this program when you were my age?"

"No darling. It wasn't around then."

"Oh. What did you watch?"

"Whatever my parents wanted to watch because we only had one TV."

"Oh. Were you guys like poor or something?"

"No darling. We just had one lounge room and that's where the TV was."

"One lounge room and one TV? I'm so glad I didn't live in the olden days!"


Example three:

"Mum did you have electricity when you were little or did you have to use candles for lights and go to bed when it got dark?"

"Yes we had electricity and we only used candles when it wasn't working .. same as we do now."

"Wow! Electricity really has been around for a long time hasn't it?"


After delivering these little gems, he usually looks at me with an innocent face before registering my reaction, then running for the relative safety of his room before I come over all weak and decrepit and start demanding my dinner at 4 o'clock in the afternoon with "it had better be mushed up so my poor old teeth can take it sonny boy" added for good measure.

Now I know why my mother always looked so upset when I asked her about what type of dinosaur she rode to school.

Kids .. gotta love 'em (I think it's a law!)

I have no idea what I'm doing here so I'm just going to ramble for a while ...

I'm feeling the urge to update this little ol' blog but can't think of anything interesting to update it with. And by 'update', I mean write something wonderfully witty or at least faintly funny (shows how sad things are at the moment, I'm resorting to alliteration to satisfy my OCDness!) As nothing is presenting itself for inspection, I'll just have to resort to giving you the rundown on school holidays so far ...

Saturday/Sunday: Now I know lots of people don't regard Saturdays and Sundays as part of the school holidays, as they are days we would normally be responsible for our own offspring. I do count them because of the slight major attitude change that takes place at the final siren on the last day of school. It seems to change the children into some sort of otherwordly creatures .. a kind of a cross between a sloth and a locust .. you know, something that wants to lie around all day yet still manages to consume every food-like item in your kitchen, seemingly by osmosis as they don't appear to move, all the while complaining that there's nothing to eat.

So now we have that clear, Saturday and Sunday went almost exactly as expected for the first days of the holidays .. minor skirmishes as they re-established the pecking order of the home, then all out warfare for control of the TV remote.

Monday was better as there was a small amount of extra oestrogen, in the form of Debbie's daughter Amy, to help ease the testosterone overload. They all played (relatively) well together with no blood, broken bones or trips to the emergency room and I even got some biscuits made for me! Actually they weren't specifically for me but my house, my kitchen, my ingredients, therefore my biscuits! Seems fair to me...

Today, I managed to drag myself bounce joyfully out of bed, get dressed before 8am and was writing an appointment I had just remembered on the calendar, when I noticed that the boys had a dentist appointment at 9am. Figuring I still had plenty of time, I woke Alex for the first time and sent the other 2 to have breakfast and give their teeth an extra good brushing.

At 8:30am, I woke Alex again telling him we were leaving in 10 minutes and that he had to be up and dressed with his teeth brushed properly. We finally left at 8:50am and arrived in plenty of time after freezing ourselves half to death in the car. (Don't you hate it when the car trip is not long enough to heat the engine and therefore the heater doesn't work?)

Got the dentist over and done with (nobody needs any fillings .. yay!) then decided that seeing as we were already all dressed and out of the house, we may as well do a couple of things on my to-do list.

We went to a favourite plant nursery of mine (wholesale prices for much larger/healthier plants than at the local hardware store) and got a load of plants to try and make the house look a bit more presentable for sale. Then it was on to Spotlight (fabric/craft/haberdashery store) for some curtain material for the ensuite, bathroom and toilet (again with the 'more presentable' thing). Just happened to find myself in the scrapbooking section after buying the curtain material .. not at all sure how that happened! .. and spotted a border punch I've been trying to find for a while. Treated my self and then treated the boys at McDonald's for lunch as they had behaved themselves beautifully all morning.

After finishing lunch I felt all inspired to get outside, despite the cold (still only 12 degrees according to the radio news), so of course I dragged the boys along with me. They helped me weed, shift excess dirt and plant most of the new plants. The ones that weren't planted have been given a lovely drink of wetta-soil and placed in the sun for some warmth. Now all I have to do is get some mulch to keep the weeds away and it will look lovely.

Now I think I should spend the rest of the afternoon trying to find my sewing machine and dig through the deep dark recesses of my mind for the ability to use it, so that I can honestly say I have done something towards selling the house. Though exactly how a toilet curtain is going to sell the house I'm not sure but .. meh .. it sounded impressive just for a second!

Hope you're all surviving the school holidays!!

Oh yay .. it's school holidays!

19 days of fun-filled, full-on, in-my-face time with the boys (I'll leave it up to you to determine whether I'm being sarcastic or not!) and it all started so well ...

I had, when in a state of mind most people call insanity, offered to have a friend's two boys over yesterday afternoon after work/school to entertain play with my three boys. Then a different friend rang and asked if I could have her daughter for the afternoon as she had an appointment. No worries said I breezily and made appropriate arrangements for food and drink, causing the lady behind me in the supermarket queue to ask if I was a scout leader or something. After assuring her that the quantity of snacks was only for six children, she launched into protracted praise of mothers with more than the standard 2.4 children and congratulated me on bucking the trend. It was quite sad to see her face when I informed her that only 3 of the children were mine and that the other 3 were 'blow-ins' for the day.

The mother of the two boys came and collected them at 5:30pm after only a few instances of raised voices and threats of bodily harm (which I stopped making when I realised the neighbours were listening!) and then settled in to enjoy a lovely chat with the second friend (we'll call her Debbie .. Hi Deb!) over an extremely healthy dinner.

During the afternoon/evening, there had been some conspiring amongst the children and after some cute puppy-dog-eye looks, Andrew ended up spending the night at Debbie's house. I arranged to collect him at around 9:30am and went off to bed at a relatively decent hour for a great night's sleep and sleep-in the next morning.

After a bit of a mad panic to get out of my clown pants pyjamas, I went on my way to collect Drew, leaving the other two at home with strict instructions to stack the dishwasher before I returned, knowing full well that it would probably still be sitting there emptier than my bank account at Christmas time when I finally deigned to re-appear. A girl has to have dreams, right?

Anyway, I collected Andrew and headed to Kmart to attempt to lay-by some items for Christmas (mission accomplished), checked out the clothes sale at Miller's (nothing caught my eye enough to make me buy it) and then headed for home to make the children work spend some quality time with the children outside in the backyard.

Alex managed to start the lawnmower and mow the lawn; Bradley and I swept the patio area and got rid of some things things that had just been hanging around and Andrew pulled some weeds and helped Alex with the emptying of the lawnmower catcher. Very productive effort with a lovely result .. the patio and backyard look much better. Everyone worked well together with very few arguments discussions as to the merits of particular methodologies.

After finishing up, I told the boys the rest of the afternoon was theirs and set them free. Of course they all immediately headed back inside (I think I'm raising vampires!) and to the comfort of their electronic entertainment.

Things then took a turn for the worse when Alex tripped over his laptop computer, which was on the floor in the TV room after being told repeatedly not to leave it there, and has now broken it beyond any sense of redemption I could offer. The only thing that would have kept him away from his brothers, yet still occupied, has now gone to laptop heaven.

He has spent the last half an hour crying and throwing himself very dramatically onto his bed (silent movie heroines have nothing on this kid and his over acting abilities!) but is now laughing maniacally at something his brothers are doing .. one extreme to the other in ten seconds flat .. welcome to my world!

So now, as I sit here listening to the replacement washing machine trying to remodel my house by knocking out a few walls, I am in a bit of a quandary:

Do I attempt to have his laptop fixed to save my sanity over the next 18 days or do I let him suffer this natural consequence?

Do I spend money on getting the laptop fixed or on Valium and other sedatives to get us all through the next 18 days?

Or do I just give up and go chocolate myself to death?

Hmmmmm? Which option people? Let me know what you think ... please??!!

A recipe ...

... for a lovely picnic for Mother's Day a very stressful day.

Ingredients;

Absent husband (due to being away for work)
Me
11 year old boy
almost 13 year old boy
14.5 year old boy ('Slightly' autistic is best. Even better if you can find one with ADD as well!)
My Mother
Sister and Brother-in-law

Method:

Mix Me, Mother and Sister together to make arrangements for a lovely day out at Araluen Botanic Park for a BBQ and picnic to celebrate Mother's Day. Bask in glow of expectation of nice day out, in good company, with good food.

For the week before, prepare 14.5 year old repeatedly for the prospect of going out in public with no electronic device to entertain him or bed to throw himself onto when he doesn't get his own way. Repeat process (and expectations of behaviour) numerous times in days leading up to minor 'obviously huge' event.

The night before, ensure that 'Me' gets little sleep, due to a bed-hogging 11 year old and a slightly totally psychopathic dog, who barks like the four horsemen of the apocalypse are trying to break in at 2:30AM, when it was just a pot plant waving in the breeze outside the window. Allow 'Me' to feel small amount of resentment towards peacefully slumbering children, especially the 11 year old who is hogging all the blankets and most of the space in a queen size bed.

Have 'Me' return to bed, only to toss and turn for at least an hour before finally falling asleep. Allow 11 year old and 12.5 year old to energetically wake 'Me' up at 7am with many hugs, kisses and several gratefully received and appreciated presents, followed by 14.5 year old making his way into the room resembling a drugged sloth soon after. Enjoy some family bonding time before going to have breakfast at McDonald's.

Have 'Me' fight through the crowds at the bakery to get the boys the treat food they have requested for the picnic then have a mild panic attack at the prospect of not being able to purchase the main item 'Me' was asked to bring: hot dog buns. Relax slightly when hot dog buns are found, then make trip to pick up 'Mother.'

Enjoy short visit with 'Mother' before 'Mother' being interrupted by a somewhat upsetting phone call. Console 'Mother' then corral boys and 'Mother' into car and drive to picnic destination. Endure constant repetition of "He's in my space", "He's touching me", "Now he's leaning on me", "Mum, make him stop touching me!", "I didn't touch you! I invaded your space but I didn't touch you!" from the boys and "how much longer?" from the voices in Me's head.

Park car and let out the passengers. Find nice picnic spot and settle in for quiet, enjoyable time. Upon review, realise that the 14.5 year old has managed to combine teenage attitude, over-stimulation by somewhat busy surroundings, a sense of deprivation at being removed from the usual mind-numbing electronic entertainment and mild hunger, with his autism and ADD.

Prepare 'Me' for 'not-quite-so-relaxing picnic' and then rapidly downgrade to 'Lord-grant-me-patience-because-if-you-give-Me-strength-he-will-die!' Make allowances, within reason, for 14.5 year old's repeated button pushing as well as physical pushing of 11 year old and almost 13 year old. Allow 14.5 year old to play in creek until large rocks start rising from water and landing too close to picnic table. Distract 14.5 year old and endeavour to keep entire party on even keel.

Soon after, adjust 'Me's mental state to one of 'ignore-ignore-ignore' then pray for people hogging BBQs to hurry up so 14.5 year old can be fed something other then simple sugars. Praise 'Mother' for pushing her way onto corner of BBQ plate, then curse laws preventing BBQ from being hot enough to cook sausages in less than 30 minutes. Finally mix 14.5 year old with food then pack up so 'Me' can retreat to sanctuary of friend's house.

Place boys and 'Mother' in car for return trip. Endure another round of "He's in my space", "He's touching me", "Now he's leaning on me", "Mum, make him stop touching me!", "I didn't touch you! I invaded your space but I didn't touch you!" from the boys before depositing 'Mother' at home.

Reluctantly decide that 'Me' would not be very good company right now, due to lack of sleep and homicidal tendencies and retreat to study to write long, whiny blog post. Insert occasional verbal outbursts about extreme level of noise and lack of chores being done, then stew for an hour or two. Cook dinner (or not!) then send boys to bed before their normal bed time. Sit back and try to enjoy 'Bones' on TV without falling asleep.

Happy Mother's Day!

It's raining, it's pouring ...

... but no, I'm not snoring! Not yet anyway ... it's not bedtime and besides I've got a CPAP machine to stop the snoring.

We've had rain for most of the time we've been here but it got a fair bit heavier today. Luckily, we had made arrangements to have lunch with Aunty Jenny and Nanna and to do some indoor shopping so the rain didn't really bother us.

After managing to buy nothing at Cairns Central shopping centre (apart from some brownies, lemon slice and caramel slice) we headed for The Pier for lunch. It was lovely to see Nanna again but she is really starting to look old. The fact that she is 93 and having difficulty walking may have something to do with that, but she still has her sense of humour. When I asked how she's been lately, she said, in a very matter-of-fact tone, "old". She then told me that I need to fatten my boys up because they are still very skinny .. just like last time she saw them. Or maybe it's just because I stretched them to make them grow taller. Apparently feeding them is easier than stretching them .. who knew? I hope I'm as well as she is when I'm 93 .. if I get that far!

After lunch we wandered around the shops at The Pier then were headed back towards the apartment when I realised it was the Thursday before Easter and that we didn't have any eggs for the boys or Mark's family (who arrive tomorrow), so we stopped at KMart and did a quick shop. Now the place is full of chocolate and none of it's mine ... waaah!! (Apparently some of it is mine because the boys have bought me something but have hidden it from me ... waaaah again!)

We were headed homewards once more, when Peter spotted the Outback Opal Mine. I had asked to stop in there at some point during the holiday and he remembered and pulled in for a quick look. The boys stayed in the car as it was pouring down again and Peter and I went in to check it all out. It's basically an opal and pearl jewellery shop with a museum section about opal mining. I love black opal (the most expensive kind ... damn it!) and found a lovely pair of earrings and a matching pendant but had to walk away without them. I'm hoping to go back before we leave Cairns but I'm not holding my breath.

Once we got back to the apartment, we all had some quiet time just reading and relaxing before the boys decided it would be fun to go swimming. (Bear in mind that it's raining quite heavily at this point.) I pointed out the rain but they still wanted to go. I knew they were determined to go swimming when they put their towels into plastic bags to stop them from getting wet while they were in the pool. Andrew wanted to keep swimming until the pool lights came on ... easily pleased that one!!

After yelling over the balcony that dinner was almost ready, Peter started cooking dinner. Nothing like the possibility of missing out on burnt 'heavily browned' sausages to make a kid get out the pool in a hurry ... not!! Once they were back upstairs and in the shower, the noise level in the bathroom required some intervention so I walked down there just in time to hear Bradley complaining that it was too steamy. "It's so steamy in here, I can't even see my wang in the mirror." (That's the word of the week at the moment .. 'wang'. Don't ask me where he got that one from ... I really don't want to know! ... and it could be much worse.)

Now I'm sitting in front of the computer screen yet again while Peter has gone out to see if the local fish and chip shop will be open tomorrow night. (A remnant of my Catholic upbringing .. fish on Fridays during Lent.) I have no idea what we're doing tomorrow but at least dinner is sorted out!!

The countdown has begun ...

It is now only two sleeps (three if you count the plane trip) until we arrive in Cairns.

As much as I have told myself (and you) that I don't really want to go and that we won't be able to do much due to budgetary constraints, I think I'm actually looking forward to it. (Hey, I'm a woman .. I'm allowed to change my mind! I just wish I could change it for one that worked better and more often!!)

The house has been cleaned, the bags are (almost) packed and the house-sitters have been introduced to the Lord and Master, aka 'The Dog', 'The Boss' or in lighter moments, Brutus. I have to admit, I was rather concerned about his reaction to having a 'strange' male in the house but he reacted to Bevan like a chocoholic when finding an open box of Lindt: initially wary (what's the catch?) then all over him like white on rice. (Sorry for all the similes .. or is it metaphors? I can never remember which is which and surprisingly enough I know, I don't actually care .. lol!)

Isn't it strange the things we women get in our heads to do just because someone else is coming to stay? I was pondering that exact thought just the other day as I sat on the kitchen floor, surrounded by mismatched Tupperware while trying to stop the dog from pinching any to use as a chew toy. There I was, completely emptying out all my cupboards so I could wipe them out with disinfectant and boiling hot water, all because a stranger was coming to stay.

It didn't seem to occur to me to make the front of the house more presentable by pulling out the triffids weeds growing along the edge of the driveway, or to empty both the carports of the extra stuff that I'm sure has parties after we go to sleep (parties that have been advertised on the internet and as a result now other people's leftover junk is still 'sleeping it off' at our place).

It didn't occur to me to me make sure that the numbers on the letter box were all still there so the house-sitters could find the house without the aid of a search party and bloodhounds, lured by the scent of the doggie treats I used to try to distract the dog from the all the lovely chew toys plastic ware strewn from one end of the kitchen to the other.

It nearly didn't occur to me to ensure there was sufficient food for the 'Lord and Master' but luckily one of the children is slightly more on the ball than I, so Brutus will be well nourished during our little trip to the other side of the continent. (The child will be given food but I cannot vouch for its nutritional content as we will, after all, be on holidays and that entitles us to some leniency in our intake of all things artificial .. apparently.)

However, it did occur to me that I simply must:

• paint the main bedroom (which I managed to achieve)
• paint the boys' bathroom (which I did not manage to achieve and have forgiven myself for .. temporarily at least!)
• have matching mats on which to place all the different candles and their decorative holders that I have acquired (despite the fact that they have somehow managed to still look pretty in spite of their lack of a suitable resting place for the past few years)
• clean underneath the fridge and freezer (because every house guest I've ever come across moves the fridge and freezer the second you're not looking .. don't they?)
• re-pot the peace lily that adorns the bench in my ensuite (because the pot was black and every else is shades of brown/beige/blue and we wouldn't want them thinking I'm colour blind)
• torture the children ask the children to help me get the house into some semblance of order by removing their will to live cleaning their rooms ... Yes child! I meant under the bed too! ... even though no-one would be staying in their rooms. (I know, how incredibly unfair of me to make them empty their rooms of dirty clothes, the rubbish in their bins and the mutating lifeforms under their beds and in their school bags.)

And on that cheery little mental image (school bags always make me shudder with apprehension .. eewwwww!), I shall take myself off to the Land of Nod to dream up more torture things for the boys to do tomorrow.

Ella sketch #3

I'm loving the six weeks of sketches over at Ella as they seem to have revived my motivation and are giving me inspiration at the same time.

I did sketch #3 almost as soon as it was posted but forgot to take a picture and post it here .. oops! So without any further ado, here is my interpretation:




I rotated it, mirrored it and changed the photo sizes a bit (and now it probably looks nothing like the original sketch!) but I like it! Wouldn't have a clue which papers are which because I don't keep track of all that .. sorry!

I also did this layout of Andrew:



It's very linear and started out based on one of Donna Januzzi's sketches in her "Stretch Your Sketches" e-book (Ella Publishing) but as is typical with sketches, it ended up looking nothing like the original! I'm still trying to decide if I'll cut the striped paper to the width of the blue as there's something bugging me about it. What do you think?

Journalling reads:
The first thing most people see when they look at these photos is the lovely mess you have made of yourself with your current favourite biscuit, the humble ginger nut.
Not me. All I see are the gorgeous chubby cheeks, cute little button nose, the happy smile underneath all that mess and your eyes... those beautiful blue eyes.
I really hope you get to keep those lovely baby blues but I doubt you will, so I'll just enjoy them for now and look forward to watching them change as you grow. (Feb '98)

Explaining reality ...

Apparently the first step in beating an addiction is admitting you have one in the first place. So here goes ...

"My name is Donna and I am addicted to my computer and more specifically, to stupid virtual games on Facebook."

There .. now it's out in the open, I can hopefully start to implement some strategies to get it under control. I know that 'getting it under control' is nowhere near 'beating the crap out of the addiction with the biggest stick you can find' but it's a start.

I came to the conclusion that I really needed to curb the excessive amount of time I was spending on the time-sucking vortex that is Facebook when my children (who are also addicts and will be undergoing the same withdrawals as me!) started answering requests for their presence at the dinner table, the shower or anywhere that didn't have a computer, with "in a minute. I have to finish harvesting/plowing/planting,/feeding animals or re-arranging my farm/cafe/jungle/island."

After trying over the last week, unsuccessfully, to cut down on the time we were spending on these games, I awoke this morning with a renewed determination to beat this. I called all the boys into my room (where there is no computer competing for their attention) and explained that I would no longer be their 'neighbour' on any of these games and I wouldn't be playing them at all. They could still play but, as it is only 2 weeks until they go back to school, that we would be putting our routines and 'screen time' limits back into place. After their initial panic response that I was taking them off the internet forever was over, they started in with the questions.

"But what happens if I have crops to harvest and I've already used my internet time?"

"They aren't real plants. Does it matter if they die?"

"But I paid money for them!"

"Was it real money .. your own real money .. that you paid for them?"

"Nnnooooo, but they're mine and I want to keep them."

"So you are incredibly worried about some pictures of plants, animals and coins on a computer screen but you aren't very interested in your real bedroom with its copious amounts of toys, books and clothes and the rest of your real life with real people to talk to, real food to eat and real interactions to be had?"

"Yes .. um .. no .. um .. Muuuummm! You're so unfair!"

"Why yes .. yes I am. Welcome to reality! Now go do your chores."

Good news!

Apart from being understandably stiff and sore, Brutus is doing really well. He had surgery today to fix his dislocated hip and they've said he should be able to come home either tomorrow or Friday.

We have a long road to recovery ahead of us but he will recover and will get back to the way he was before ... hopefully slightly less pyscho! I just have to try to keep him quiet and relatively still for the next 6-8 weeks to allow the pelvic fractures to heal ... no mean feat! At least he won't feel like jumping around all over the place for a while yet .. poor thing!

Thanks for all the good thoughts and wishes sent our way. I know to some people he's only a dog, but he's a member of our family and we're all overjoyed that he's still here with us.

Update on Brutus...

Whatever you guys did, it seems to be working!!

Even though his dislocated hip wouldn't go back in today, everything else is improving.

He will have to have an operation to fix the hip back into place (does anyone have oodles of money to spare?) and will need to have 'cage confinement' treatment for 6 weeks or so to allow his pelvic fractures to heal but the internal bleeding is almost non-existent and the collapsed lung is slowly fixing itself.

Thanks for all the thoughts, prayers and/or crossed fingers but please keep them coming .. we still have to get through the operation (either tomorrow or Wednesday).