Dear Universe ...

This week I would like to:

• thank you for giving me the intestinal fortitude to keep returning to a place that is slowly draining my life force and logical thinking skills. I realise that it would be extremely unhealthy to be surrounded by happy and joyous people all the time, but can you please arrange for it to happen at least some of the time?
• question why on Earth did you decide to give two of my male children testosterone surges at the same time? (Yes I do realise that it would be kind of pointless to give female children huge testosterone surges but work with me here!) If you are planning on doing this again in the near future, please let me know first so I can run away to somewhere more peaceful like, oh I don't know, maybe Iraq?
• ask for help to understand why the washing pile, children's appetites, my waistline and certain people's egos never seem to get any smaller. 'Nuff said.
• thank you for giving us such a choice of designers of women's lingerie and swimsuits. Just a side note, when do you think I will have paid enough for my obvious bad karma in all my previous lives, because I'd really like to be able to buy a bra that fits, is comfortable and doesn't look like a frontline battle outfit.
• thank you for all those wonderful people around me who are capable of seeing when I've had enough and who just "move away from the crazy lady". Now if you could just work on the rest of them, I would be eternally grateful, especially if you could manage it before I end up in prison for mass homicide. Then again ... at least I wouldn't have to deal with them, or their mates, in there. Leave this one with me; I'll get back to you later.

All in all, thank you for allowing me to learn so many lessons about human behaviour this week. I really appreciate this opportunity but next time, please could you check that I wasn't already having a breakdown first? Thanks again!

Yours faithfully,

Donna