I love listening to the sound of the rain on the roof. I woke this morning to that sound and, even though I'd had a pretty rough night with hardly any sleep, it calmed me.
I'm definitely an autumn/winter person because I don't like the heat that comes with summer and would much rather be cold than hot any day. Snuggling up under a blanket with a good book and a warm drink is my idea of heaven. So taking a holiday down to Margaret River in July should be as close to heaven as I'm going to get while I'm still alive.
I'm going all by myself and leaving the boys at home with Peter for 11 nights of, uuummmmm ... whatever I want! I can wake up when I'm ready to, have what I want to eat, when I want to eat it, go wherever I want and whenever I want, go to bed when I want .. so why am I so scared?
You heard me, I'm scared. This will the first time I have been away by myself .. ever! I didn't travel alone before I married (at the age of 20) and haven't travelled anywhere for any great period of time without either Peter or the boys. I've been away for weekend consultant crops but that was only 2 nights away from home and less than 40 minutes drive. This time it's three hours drive and 11 nights. I have invited some friends to come stay for a few nights each if they can get away from their families, but so far I'm going to be completely on my own for at least 5 nights.
It's not so much the being on my own that worries me. It's the thinking I'm bound to do while there's no-one else around. I might actually have to think about me and who I am .. what I want .. where I'm going .. seeing a theme here? Factor in the guilt, both mother-guilt and the 'normal' kind, and I was starting to wonder if it was all going to be worth it.
Then I woke this morning to the sound of the rain on the roof and I decided it is worth it. I deserve a break and some time to just be, so I'm going and I'm not going to feel guilty ...
Well, maybe just a little bit. I'm a Mum after all!