Sunday, 25 May 2008


I have heard that dreams are the subconscious mind's way of processing and dealing with things in our lives but why are they always so strange? Cows walking through your lounge room, children that fly and buildings that keep changing from houses you used to live into a very weird shopping centre. And the people in these dreams .. don't get me started on them!

Okay, maybe the cows are due to reading this blog at 10:30 at night and the flying kids thing was due to the trampolining display at the local shopping centre last week and I do work in retail, so some of the weirdos are inspired by that, but where do the rest of the strange things come from?
On a slightly different note: I've been having a lot of dreams about people from my past lately and it's starting to really get me down. There are quite a few things I wish I had done differently, or not at all, to these people and they aren't things I can fix or even apologise for as these people are no longer in my life. Mind you, these dreams are evolving and having very different outcomes to the original ones from even a few months ago. I suppose that means that I'm working through the issues associated with them. Either that or I'm really going crazy this time!

The hardest part of all these dreams is the feelings that come with them. I still carry a lot of guilt about the things I did and said which I know, rationally, is pointless yet I still do it. It's not just the guilt though. The wondering 'what if...' and the pain of lost love and respect isn't something I want to be reliving as often as I am right now. The feelings of a life lived a certain way because it was 'expected' or to avoid causing pain to anyone else, are not ones I'd wish on anyone else.

I'm just trying to work out, in the cold light of day, what exactly I'm supposed to have learned from all these experiences. The fact that I'm still having these dreams shows me that I haven't learned enough. Or maybe, they've reappeared because I need the reminder of past mistakes to stop me making the same ones now. Thoughts anyone?

Anyway, I'm off to hang out yet more washing while I finish pondering this problem and try to talk myself out of being so melancholy.

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