Apparently I have been in the dark for most of our 15 year marriage.
Apparently he has always wanted to move to the country. He just didn't push it before now because he thought he might upset me or that it would end up coming between us.
He was right. This is probably, no not probably, it is the biggest difference so far. Hiding something as fundamental as where you want to live for the rest of your life is a big deal, even if it was done with the best intentions.
Ok, a bit of perspective is obviously needed here (for me, not you guys!):
- He hasn't had an affair,
- He's not dying or seriously ill,
- He's not planning on leaving me,
- He's not an axe murderer (yet! Though I may drive him to it .. lol)
- He actually asked me instead of telling me,
- He has said that he will respect my decision (for a couple of months or until he finds somewhere else to hassle me about. His words, not mine).
Ultimately though, it is my decision and it's going to affect the whole family. I have wondered if I'm being selfish not wanting to go that far outside everything I know. I didn't want to just say no without giving it some serious thought because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But after some serious thought and some rather deep soul-searching, I just can't do this at this stage of my/our lives. Given my fragile mental state at the best of times, I honestly can't see how removing all my support network is going to be better for me, our children or our marriage.
So, in a nutshell, I hope this doesn't cost me my marriage but I'm not moving ...