"Like sand through the hourglass ...

.. so are the days of our lives." (cue annoying music here)

I can remember thinking, back in the dim, dark recesses of time when I was a know-it-all teenager, that soapies were so unrealistic in the way they portrayed the same problem going on for weeks, then finally being solved, only to have the same problem re-appear in a slightly different guise a bit further down the track.

'Surely once a problem was solved' thought my very unworldly self, 'it stayed solved. People don't keep making the same mistakes over and over again, do they?'

I have now realised that, barring demonic possession, kidnapping, marrying a sibling or having oodles of money with no discernible job, my life is a little like a soap opera. There are problems that last for weeks, or even months, seem to be resolved, then rear their ugly little mutant heads in a slightly different form.

If there's anything I should be used to around here, it's weird little mutants, yet I amaze myself with my lack of ability to see them coming, lack of knowledge of how to deal with them yet again and total faith that once resolved, they're gone forever. Did I learn nothing from ditching the occasional day of school just to watch the countless never-ending angst-filled dramas? Obviously not!

I now give you .. (drum roll please) .. the Alex saga!

(otherwise known as "As the world turns .. around me. And not just the world .. oh no .. the entire Universe revolves around me thank.you.very.much!)

As you are probably aware by now, we have been having a few problems with Alex and school, namely suspensions last year for violence and numerous detentions for not doing homework.

After much discussion between Peter and I, we took him for an enrolment interview at our local public high school with the view to enrolling him there, seeing as he obviously wasn't prepared to put in the effort required to stay where he is. Peter had been threatening to take Alex out of his private school for quite some time so he finally put his foot down and arranged the interview.

(I just want to clarify that I don't think private schools are necessarily any better than public schools. I just think that in our particular circumstances, this particular private school is better for Alex than the public alternative.)

Alex's overall attitude was one of resignation to the fact that he would be changing schools and leaving his only friend behind as well as some curiosity about the school itself. The enrolment interview went well, as did the tour of the school but once Alex had it explained to him that this school was not geared toward the student who wanted to attend university, his whole attitude changed. He wants to become a science teacher or some sort of scientist/technician/engineer, all of which require university degrees and therefore university entrance subjects in high school. All of a sudden he was promising Peter the moon and stars for the opportunity to stay at his current school.

After a meeting with the current school's principal and deputy-principal (pastoral care), Peter seemed a lot happier with the current status quo. He appreciates that Alex has improved greatly from last year and while there is still some concern about his lack of completed homework, he is getting better. The two of them have made some, for want of a better word, 'deals' regarding his homework and attitude towards school so hopefully, they will start to have some effect from here on.

It just amazes me how much has changed in schooling since we went to school. As I explained to Peter, Alex was suspended for the kind of 'push-me, shove-you violence' that would have gone completely unpunished and probably completely unnoticed in our day. (Just hold on while I go grab my zimmer frame will you?) If you weren't bleeding, unconscious or had bones sticking out of your skin nothing much was done. Oh, and homework was never chased up. If you didn't do it, there were no repercussions from the school; just from your parents at report card time. (I can still remember that feeling of dread walking home to give Mum and Dad the report card that had my first ever D on it .. quaking in my boots I was!)

So all in all, the soap opera status quo continues but stay tuned for further developments. You never know, there might be a murder next.



Or the discovery of a secret bunker under the house where we could keep him locked up for years, only letting him out when he finishes all his homework (in about 30 years!)



Or even that he's a little alien mutant beamed in from another planet sent here to test human patience levels. Yeah, that one sounds good .. and scarily enough, the most believable!

Some people have waaay too much ..

.. time on their hands! Check it out though .. it made me laugh!


(and then shake my head wondering what on earth the world has come to)


(and then to wonder when I turned into my grandmother)


(and then to realise it's after 10pm so it's OK to be a bit loopy)


(and then to think 'get on with it and post the video already!' so here goes ...)

Overheard recently ..

After telling Andrew to do something he didn't particularly want to do:

Bradley: "Come on Drew. You heard the lady .. get going."

Andrew: "That's no lady. That's my mother!!"

Hmmm .. think it's time for a little chat about r.e.s.p.e.c.t?

You'd think that I'd post more ...

now that I have all this time on my hands, yet I haven't had the urge to sit and type something for ages. Last week's post was one of those "Christmas letter" type posts .. you know, the ones where you condense everything that's happened down to a couple of paragraphs and call it done.

This is the beginning of the third week since I finished work and I'm only just starting to get my head around the fact that I'm able to plan my own days and do what I want to do. Still trying to work out what I want to do versus what I feel I have to do.

Some more of the things I thought I'd do more of but haven't yet:

• scrapping
• cleaning
• gardening
• sewing
• walking
• having coffee with friends during the week
• organising

I haven't been sitting around doing absolutely nothing but if you saw the state of my house, you certainly think that! Mind you, so far I've managed to:

• finish the curtains for the master bedroom (finally .. only taken 4 months!)
• do a bazillion loads of washing (I made the boys clean up the floors in their rooms .. sigh!)
• make about 50 phone calls following up things that should have been dealt with ages ago
• do three years worth of tax returns for a friend's mother and brother
• clean the patio area (except for all the tools, leftover trampoline parts and all the spare bits & pieces)
• read about 19 books
• um ... not much else due to the previous point!

I'm finally starting to feel a bit more relaxed but that may change tomorrow. Peter is coming home early to help me try to work out what to with Alex and his uncanny ability to get himself into trouble at school. Wonder which side of the family he gets that from?? Not my side!! (said with tongue firmly planted in cheek .. where's that angel smiley when you need it?)

The end of my first week as an unemployed bum ..

and it feels really weird. It's kind of like being on holidays so far, but I'm sure that will wear off eventually. Anyway, it's been a very up and down week.

Up: No work on Tuesday (or any other day!)
Down: Sorting through more of Neil's paperwork, realising he's really gone and having a cry.

Up: Spending some time with Peter, without kids, before he went back.
Down: Regretting that I didn't resign earlier to spend more time with him.

Up: Managing to catch up with Jackie for a decent chat .. not a half hour one while watching the clock to make sure I'm not late for work.
Down: That I can't fix her health problems and make her feel better.

Up: Spending the day with Andrew on Thursday (he stayed at home so he didn't get heatstroke from watching the swimming carnival .. again!)
Down: Seeing the look of disappointment on his face when we couldn't bake banana bread because we ran out of time after running all the errands I needed to do.

Up: Catching up with an old scrapping buddy, Sue, for the first time in ages.
Down: Realising how long it's been since I actually did some scrapping, let alone with friends.

Up: Seeing Debbie for lunch on Friday and helping (just a teensy bit) with a scrapping dilemma.
Down: Coming home to find I left my teensy bit of mojo at Debbie's house.

Up: Being invited out to a friend's 40th birthday party on Saturday night.
Down: Going out to my car to go and pick her up, only to find one of the children left the car door open, which left the interior light on, which made the battery run flat.
Up: Remembering there's a spare car battery in the carport that I can jump start the car with.
Down: Finding out that battery is flatter than the one in the car.
Up: Remembering that I'm an RAC Roadside Assistance member and ringing them to jump start the car.
Down: Finding out my membership lapsed last year and that it will cost me $215 to re-join over the phone.
Up: Realising it's still early enough to call a taxi and then getting there only an hour late.
Down: Remembering I left the present at home .. D'oh!!

Up: Going to the bridal fair with my 'baby' sister.
Down: Finding out there's absolutely no parking left at the venue and doing about 9 laps of the city trying to find any parking whatsoever, all while dodging insane taxi drivers who don't believe the lane markings on the roads apply to them as well as the rest of us.
Up: Finding a free street parking spot.
Down: Having to reverse parallel park into said spot which was on a steep hill.
Up: Managing to do it without hitting anything .. not even the curb .. on the first try!! Woohoo!!
Down: Realising we were going to have to climb back up that steep hill after walking around the bridal fair.

Up: Having a great time at the bridal fair and enjoying Clare's company.
Down: Realising how many creepy celebrants and photographers there are out there.
Up: Finding a couple of really good, affordable photographers, caterers, celebrants, DJ's and bonbonierrie (how do you spell that anyway?) suppliers.
Down: Putting up with the creepy, pushy spruikers with crappy looking products and huge price tags.

The major up for the whole weekend though ...

Clare found the perfect wedding dress!

We had looked through all the gowns on display and hadn't found one that satisfied all her criteria. Most of them were too floral or lacy for her (FYI: scalloped lace is apparently big this year .. bleecch!) and the ones she found that came close to what she wanted style-wise were way out of range price-wise.

We'd almost given up and were browsing through the last wedding dress place that had discounted gowns for sale, when we found one that she liked the style of but thought the colour was all wrong. I convinced her to try it on anyway and she fell in love with it. She also tried on two others in different shades but similar styles and it just re-affirmed her initial reaction to the first one. The colour is perfect for her; the design is very,very flattering and the beading is just gorgeous. The saleswoman lent her a veil and some jewellery to complete the look while she was trying it on and she just looked so radiant and happy that I nearly burst into tears.

To top it all off, I got them to knock a little bit more off the already discounted price, so she ended up with $350 off and a dress she loves that fits her almost perfectly (but would still be really easy to alter if she loses the weight all brides swear they're going to lose!) I can't wait to see Richard's face when he sees her in it but I guess I'll have to. The wedding's not 'til December after all!

Overheard recently ..

"Mum, can we have pig's butt and bumnuts for breakfast?" Alex asking for bacon and eggs.

"No thanks. I'm lac-toast intolerant." Alex again when asked if he'd like toast with his bacon and eggs.

"I don't want to play this game anymore. It makes you think about maths!" Andrew when trying to work out how many extra points he'd get if he used different collection methods.

"Alex! Leave that alien alone! It's my turn to kill it!" Bradley playing a PS2 game with Alex 'helping' on the sidelines.

"No killing Brad. You should hug him and love him and call him George." Alex's response to the previous statement.

I'm officially unemployed!

It was a bittersweet day yesterday as I faced the reality of leaving work and all the people I've come to know and like. As is my usual trick, I spent the entire day second-guessing my decision, trying to work out if I really had done the right thing. Just as I would start thinking that working there wasn't that bad, the micro-managing cow would stick her spoke in again, sending me back to counting down the minutes 'til I was out of there.

During the course of the day, many people came to find me and tell me I wasn't allowed to leave because they didn't know what they would do without me there to help them. After receiving the response of "I'm only one person and I'm not irreplaceable", they would then proceed to tell me how I was the only person who would help everytime they asked, without ripping their heads off. I thought I had done my fair share of ranting and raving at work but they obviously weren't taking me seriously .. lol! I also received phone calls from people at other stores that I had worked with during my time there, wishing me all the best and lamenting the fact that they weren't going with me.

I'm usually very calm and controlled at work, so I think I shocked a few people yesterday by crying when reading all the lovely things they wrote in my cards. They then took great delight in telling me that they ran out of room in the first card, so for the first time ever, they had to buy a second card and they had to queue up to be able to write in it. Made me feel guilty all over again for leaving but I think I'm at peace with that decision .. for the next five minutes at least! Seriously though, it was a great boost to my self-esteem to be told over and over again how much I would be missed and to be thanked for being a wonderful person.

The thing that surprised me the most about the whole day was seeing a couple of the male managers with tears in their eyes at my farewell afternoon tea. One of them said he was hoping I'd never leave because he needed me there to make it easier to come to work everyday. (Probably because I used to do a lot of his paperwork for him!) He has also offered me a job working with/for him whenever I want to go back to work. The other manager has also offered me a job whenever I'm ready, as have the managers of two other stores.

All in all, even though I'm sad to leave, I think it is the best thing for me right now. I just need some time to sort myself and the family out, to do some of things that I used to enjoy and decide what I want to do from here on out.

Farewell Big W .. hello new beginnings!

After much soul-searching ...

and changing my mind about 1000 times, I handed in my resignation today. I finish on Friday at 3:15pm and I'm not going back.

There are some who think I'm only quitting because Peter is coming into a bit of money due to his Dad's death but they can kiss my shiny, white, cellulite-filled backside! This has been a while coming and I'm glad I've finally done it. As much as I enjoyed working with some of the people there, the constant fixing of everyone else's problems as well as dealing with my own issues, has really taken its toll. I'm exhausted and just want some time to be me.

Now if I could just find out who me actually is, I'd be laughing!

Never before has the name of this blog been so appropriate

'Life, one day at a time ..' is the perfect way to describe the last week. Another way would be: 'get up, survive, go back to bed'.

Overall, things are going as well as can be expected despite the few minor issues that always seem to appear when you least want them to. For example:

• The inexperienced funeral director who managed to put Peter's name in the deceased section of every.single.one of the 7 forms she had to fill out;
• Setting off Neil's house alarm, not being able to turn it off for a full ten minutes and then fielding calls from the security company who didn't believe he had passed away because they don't have any paperwork about it yet;
• Bradley getting sick (legitimately .. not just upset) and having to be picked up from school 20 minutes before the funeral director was due to arrive to discuss the arrangements;
• The dog puking on the floor inside the doorway right where I would have stepped if I hadn't been paying attention;
• Me slipping in a patch of water and landing very heavily on my butt leaving a bruise the size of my hand that's now turned lots of pretty colours;
• Having a rather insensitive boss who queried whether I really needed to take time off because it was my father-in-law that died and not my own parent.

We've managed to sort most of those thing out and are focused on getting through the viewing tomorrow and the funeral on Tuesday.

Thanks so much to everyone who has sent their condolences .. it's really comforting to know that others do care.

Please say a prayer for Peter

Peter and his Dad left yesterday on an across Australia train trip. He rang at 12:20am this morning to tell me his Dad had collapsed and died just before they got to Kalgoorlie.

He is now sitting in the police station filling out all the official paperwork required and is in a total state of shock. He has to wait for the death certificate to be issued before he can come back to Perth with his Dad's body.

Please say a prayer for Peter, Mark, their Mum (Anne) and the rest of us as we try to deal with all of this.

Oh so true ...

more animals

Tomorrow ..

• I'm going to be another year older. (meh)
• I still have to go to work even though it's my birthday. (insert violins here)
• I have an appointment at the school to discuss how to better support Alex at school. (cautiously optimistic)
• I'm skipping out of work early because of said school appointment. (Yay!!!)
• I'm hoping to catch up with Clare (my 'baby' sister) and Mum for a quick lunch before I head to the appointment. (Yay and yum!)
• I have to buy a birthday present for my sister-in-law Bec, because it's her birthday today. (beating self about head for being so slack and not getting organised sooner!)
• I will try to talk the children into making me a birthday cake. (Mmmm, maybe not such a good idea because I will probably end up cleaning chocolate cake batter off the ceiling .. again!)
• I will just enjoy the day.

(Just in case you hadn't noticed .. there are a lot of 'I' statements up there because tomorrow is all about me!!!)

And the countdown has started ..

At the moment I'm writing this (6:04pm), there are 14 hours and 26 minutes before the children go back to school.

They have been on holidays for 8 weeks and 4 days.

But who's counting you ask?

Me, that's who!

I've been counting since Christmas!

Now I am one of those mothers who has a horrible tendency to leave things until the very last moment. Procrastination is my middle name. (Well, it was going to be but I haven't got around to changing it yet!) I'm usually the one who has to stop by the shops on the way to school to buy the very-important-must-have-for-the-first-day item and while we're there, we may as well get something for lunches because I forgot they need to be fed while at school.

I was determined to not be 'that mother' this year and I was doing so well. All the stationery, books and other assorted necessary sundry items had been bought and, shock horror, labelled with the correct child's name. No algebra or trigonometry books for Bradley this year!

Their school bags were clean and filled with all the things they require as well as having clean, dry and non-stinky lunchboxes ready in the kitchen for their lovingly prepared lunches to be placed into. (A girl can have dreams!)

I had even managed to drag all the uniforms out of the deep, dark recesses of the wardrobes, where they had been shoved in a fit of childish delight (mine, not theirs!) back at the beginning of December last year. I made the children try them on two weeks ago and once satisfied that they all still fit, I washed them and ironed them and hung them up neatly so there would be none of those lovely wails of "I can't find a shirt" or "my shorts are still in the wash" two minutes before we were due to walk out the door.

So you can imagine my angst when Alex informed me after trying his shorts on again today, "just to check", that they don't fit. Believing mother that I am, I immediately demanded he show me and sure enough, they really don't fit. And not just 'they're a bit uncomfortable' .. oh no! Not a snowball's chance in hell of getting them to do up so I can't even make him wear them to school until I get to the uniform shop. (Well, I could, but he has enough issues with being seen as 'different' as it is without me adding to them).

So now, I get to go to the uniform shop in the morning, wait in line with about 100 other frustrated parents in an non-airconditioned room, with three very frazzled and hot volunteers copping flak for things that aren't their fault, hoping to high heaven that they haven't sold out of the one size I need (which is usually the case), forking over an arm and half a leg to pay for them and all so I can give my 13-year-old-son the correct shorts to wear to school.

Oh, and then go to work for the day to deal with the remnants of an Amazonian rainforest that has taken up residence on my desk in the form of a huge pile of paper to be filed properly, for no-one to ever look at it again. Then come home and turn into the Homework Police.

Aren't I a good Mum?

(save the laughter until I've left the room will you?)

House rules ..

Some of our house rules:

If you drop it, pick it up.

If you sleep in it, make it.

If you empty it, fill it up.

If it rings, answer it.

If it barks, feed it.

If you make a mess, clean it up.

If you open it, close it.

For the love of all things holy, close it!

This is what happens when 'Not Me' leaves the door to the linen cupboard open:

Trying to clean it up was interesting. Brutus thought we were playing and keep ripping pieces out of my hands. The feel of shredded, soggy-from-puppy-drool toilet paper was just what I needed this morning.

It's one of the double length rolls so I suppose I should be grateful I found it before he'd managed to shred the whole thing. Small mercies!

This is Alex right now ...

more animals

... except he hasn't had caffeine. Just sugar, sugar and more sugar. I know it is supposedly a grandparent's right to hype the kids up on sugar and then drop them home but I don't want to play this game tonight. Waaaahhhh!!!!

Pity party for one happening right here, right now.

Give me strength!

No, better make that patience.

Phenergan?

Polaramine?

A bloody great rubber mallet?

Actually I think Valium would be better.

How many do you reckon?

42?

Isn't that the meaning of life?

"Always look on the bright side of life. do-do, do-do do-do do-do"

Great, now I've got that stuck in my head.

"He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy."

"I fart in your general direction."

OK .. now I need the Valium and can someone please call the SWAT team to get me off this ledge?

What?

You've already called those lovely men in the little white coats?

Oooh .. wonderful.

I love those coats with the really long arms ....

Ten things starting with 'D'

I found this over on Lee's blog and asked to play along. I've been allocated the letter:

"The rules of the game are simple. Once assigned a letter you are to post 10 things that you love which begin with that letter. (If you want to play, leave me a message saying you want to play in my comment area. I’ll assign a random letter and on and on it goes)."

Before I list my words and the reasons why I love them, I just want to say that this was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I suppose that is the purpose of these sorts of things but now my brain hurts!! I'll start with most obvious thing ...

1. Desserts: I have a very sweet tooth (as is evidenced by my weight issues but that's a whole other issue!) and love indulging in decadent desserts (two D's there .. lol!) My all time favourite would have to be pavlova with fresh cream and mandarin orange segments. (I also happen to think it is no coincidence that 'desserts' is 'stressed' spelled backwards!)

2. Details: As a logical-sequence thinker, details are my holy grail. I love learning about the nitty-gritty details of all sorts of things which I usually manage to retain and then produce at opportune moments. Admittedly, I sometimes get so focused on the minutiae of things that I tend to temporarily lose sight of the bigger picture, but ultimately everything comes back into focus.

3. Dawn: I love the idea of a new day. A chance to start again, learn from the mistakes of yesterday and to go forward with the intention of bettering yourself. A beautiful sunrise tends to remind me that the world is a beautiful place even if we have to alter our routine or perspective to see that beauty.

4. Diversity: I think that not only is diversity present in most of our lives, it is essential. I personally love the idea of differences as I believe that our differences are what make us who we are as the human race. If we all looked the same, had the same opinions, ate the same foods, and so on, we wouldn't strive to include, create, design or change for the mutual benefit of all. Obviously, diversity isn't always a good thing, especially if there is no tolerance or attempts at understanding the other viewpoints involved, but here in my own safe little corner of the world, I am glad for the enrichment I have received from being exposed to small amounts of many different cultures.

5. Dreams: As in goals and aspirations (which are very different from New Year's Resolutions!) I'm trying to refine my dreams list to something that doesn't include being caught up with the washing, having children who do what you want when you want and having the magic dinner fairy do dinner for the next 5 years. Overall though, I love the idea that anyone can have a dream and with determination and guts, at least some people can achieve them. Without dreams, where would we be today?

6. Design: I love the process of designing and creating something. On a personal level, it is predominantly scrapbook pages for our family albums and the occasional bit of sewing. The whole process from inception to completion is fascinating to me (probably because of my obsession with details!) and it never ceases to amaze me what people can create.

7. Denver, Domingo, Dolly & Def Leppard: Just some of the music I like to listen to. John Denver, Placido Domingo and Dolly Parton were standard fare on road trips taken as a child and as a result always take me back to those happy and carefree times. I was introduced to Def Leppard by my first love, who has since passed away, so that also bring back a lot of memories of different times.

8. Dad: Both mine and my childrens'. My Dad died way too young but he gave me so much to carry on with that I will be eternally grateful. He taught me things that have stood me in good stead in a lot of difficult times but also gave me an understanding of appreciating the good times. My childrens' father is a wonderful man who would do anything for me and our boys. Although we have had our own trying times, no doubt with more to come during the boys' teenage years, I can honestly say I love him more now than when I married him.

9. Depression: I know this seems like an odd one and to be totally truthful, I can't say I love it. I appreciate what it has done for me as a person. As much as I don't like the feeling of being depressed, I feel it has made me a bit more understanding and tolerant of others' personal issues. "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting their own battles." (Just to clarify though: this doesn't extend to blatant, repetitive stupidity!)

10. Descendants: I love my boys .. 'to the ends of the Universe and then some' (a common refrain when they younger). I loved them as little children and continue to love them as they grow into young men. Even though they break my heart at times and one day will be gone from my nest, I will continue to love them forever. (On a side note: do you know how hard I had to think to come up with this word for my children? Let me tell you .. the aftermath wasn't pretty!)

Whew, I did it!

It's amazing how many 'D' words have a negative connotation: defiance, disruption, disorder, deception, devious, dissent, detrimental, denial, discouraging, don't and so on. Luckily I have all of those positives up there to focus on.

Come and play too! Leave me a comment and I'll allocate you a letter.

"Dadsense"

And the follow-up song "Dadsense"....

"Momsense"

You've probably seen this before but it still cracks me up so I thought I'd share. Enjoy!

Went a bit off-topic in my last post ..

I was trying to say that we've had a great weekend.

Started on Friday with the dinner, then had a very casual Saturday. Peter volunteered to come food shopping with me so I took him up on it, thinking it would be cheaper than taking the kids. Wrong, so very wrong, but it was good to have an adult as company for a change.

After unloading the shopping, sorry, 'supervising' the unloading and putting away of the shopping, we all had lunch. The kids weren't too impressed that Peter and I had treats for after lunch and they didn't, but they hadn't done their Saturday jobs and we had, so na-na-nana-na! (insert tongue sticking out smiley here!)

I pottered around doing housework for a while then decided to read. Amazingly, that got boring pretty quickly so I decided to ..


wait for it ..


ready yet? ..


scrap!


I know, I can hear the gasps of shock from here but I actually managed to get one whole page done in Peter's car album .. except for the title.

Oh, and the journalling.

And it's missing one photo that I'm sure I had last week but isn't there anymore .. but it's done .. really, it is! LOL!!

Seriously though, I managed to get him to give me some of the info he wants recorded with the photos of each car so that was a great leap forward. Now if I could just find pictures, any pictures, of some of his other cars, I would be a very happy camper indeed. I mean, how dare he say to a scrapbooker that taking photos wasn't high on his list of priorities at the time he owned those cars. Where was his crystal ball to look 8 years into the future and see that he was going to meet me, who was then going to get involved in scrapping a further 6 years down the track? I mean .. come on!

Hmmm .. I've managed to get waaay off topic again there so let's take a moment to re-group, take a deep breath and start again shall we?

OK, it started on Friday with dinner .. no, wait .. we've done that part already. Where was I up to again?

Thinking ..

Re-reading ..

OK.

At some stage during the course of Friday, Peter decided he'd like to go for a picnic to Harvey Dam (1.5 hours south of us; 2 hours south of Perth) on Sunday. He informed me of this while doing the food shopping on Saturday, so we gathered the necessary supplies and made plans.

On Sunday, we dropped some more of Clare and Richard's stuff, that we had been storing for them, off at their house, then headed south. It was a lovely drive and the picnic area at the dam is gorgeous. We had lunch and then sent the kids off to explore while we lay back on the grass and contemplated our navels for a while. Actually, I was reading the paper while Peter was contemplating my cleavage, but what else is new? (Sorry, probably TMI but I'm in a sharing mood!)

It was supposed to be a cloudy, possibly stormy day with a top temp of about 28 degrees predicted. It was a cloudy, not particularly stormy day that managed to get to 31 degrees and despite the fact that I put sunscreen on before leaving home, I'm sunburnt. I'm the only one out of the five of us who managed to get burnt and I was in the shade all day but oh well .. it was a good day out as a family.

We came home to a puppy who was so excited to see us that he kept wetting himself, but it's nice to know he missed us! The kids were in bed by 8:30 and were all fast asleep soon after (for a change!) so we might have to do this more often. Now I just have to wait for the final load of washing to finish so I have underwear for work tomorrow and then I can go to bed and have more nightmares about stocktake. Can't wait for that to be over!

Have a great week!

A lovely weekend ..

Started with dinner on Friday night with three wonderful women who, like me, sometimes struggle with motherhood but are nonetheless doing a fantastic job of raising their kids. I'm the odd one out in that all of them have girls but it really brought home to me just how similar kids are when they want to push your buttons!

I know I say this every time we manage to have one of these dinners but we really need to do them more often, even if it's just at someone's house. A very smart person I know (Hi Jackie .. waving madly .. ) suggested that to me a while back but it kinda got lost in all the self-pity and angst over 'the incident' and various other assorted daily dramas. So people, work with me here. Let's start some sort of roster or a tentative plan ... oh no, the dreaded four letter word: 'plan' .. something's bound to go awry now!

Anyway, now the word is out there, let's try to organise something. We can even give it a name .. "Friday Night Freak Show" .. maybe not; sounds a bit creepy. "Sanity Savers" or "SS" for short. The kids already think we're some sort of nasty secret police.

Or something simple .. I know .. "SIMPLEST":

Shitloads of
Insane
Mothers
Pleading
Lowered
Emotional and
Sanity
Thresholds

What do you think? Probably just a bit too long, isn't it? I know it needs work but we can always get to that after doing the dishes, washing, mopping, vacuuming, refereeing fights, making breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks, weeding, etc, etc, etc ...

And the stupidity continues ..

We have a guy at work who has been given the nickname of 'Special K' .. 'special' as in a nicer way of saying 'so amazingly stupid, how the hell is he still breathing?' Now lest you think we are all insensitive clods, we only use it to refer to him in his even-less-than-standard-stupidity moments and only when he is not present.

Now he is a nice enough person (most of the time) but is so totally not suited to being a manager that even our regular customers have giving up asking him questions. One of our regulars has gone so far as to tell him in no uncertain terms to get someone else to help her if he turns up to answer a customer service page.

He is second highest manager of the whole store and can't manage to send an email, even with someone sitting right next to him walking him through it. I even wrote the whole process down with step-by-step instructions and he still can't do it. I know some people are technically challenged but for heaven's sake .. it's not that difficult!!!

This guy is so tunnel-visioned and focused on the little, meaningless details that he often forgets where he is and answers the phone with the name of the last company he worked for. Understandable if he was new, but he has been with our company for seven years!

He is a world class delegator-of-his-work and shifter-of-blame but very quick to take any credit, whether it's related to him or not.

So, as you can imagine, it can be rather frustrating working with him. But even we hardened, cynical, 'oh-my-god-even-a-snail-is-more-intelligent-than-some-of-my-coworkers' people were amazed that when he overheard someone referring to him as 'Special K', he took it as a compliment! And has been telling everyone he comes into contact with, how respected he is because we've given him such a good nickname!

And they wonder why I'm seriously looking for another job ...

Synesthesia

I know, it's too big a word for this time of night but I just found this post and it has enlightened me a great deal; specifically about my mother but also, to a lesser degree, myself.

Basically, "synesthesia is where a person’s brain gets sort of cross-wired and they see numbers in colour, or hear musical notes as numbers, or letters of the alphabet as colours, or sometimes sound." Apparently a lot of people have it and aren't aware that others don't.

I have often thought my mother was going loopy when she would make comments about what colour a particular sensation was or what sounds a painting made. I understand a lot more now.

I still think she's 'different' but now I'm less likely to try to have her committed!

Mmmmmmm ..

I asked Alex what he would like to make for dinner tonight and his reply was a little bit ... um ... 'different': boiled eggs, hot potato chips and DIY salad. Sounds delicious doesn't it?

No?

Then maybe you'd prefer Bradley's choice: grapes, chips, cheese and bread.

So glad to see they're picking up the concept of a balanced meal .. not! After hearing their choices, I'll make my own dinner but then again, maybe that was part of their evil master plan. Come to think of it, I did hear a lot of maniacal laughter coming from that end of the house not long ago ... and now it's just a bit too quiet if you know what I mean!

Wish me luck ....

My feet hurt ...

but I had a lovely day out shopping with Mum and Clare. We arrived at Carousel at about 10am and left at 5pm (only because all the shops were closing!) and now we are all thoroughly exhausted. We all managed to achieve something in our shopping endeavours: Clare got stuff for her house and some clothes for her and Richard; Mum got lots of things for her present stash for workmates and friends as well as some clothes; I got the boys some new shorts and undies and a new set of pjs for me.

It was fantastic to be able to just wander and not worry about "Mum, I'm hungry/thirsty/bored" and if my mother and sister had bladders larger than peas, it would have been almost perfect. (I thought I was past the stage of having to stop at every single toilet in a shopping centre but I was obviously wrong. Do your pelvic floor exercises girls!)

Now I'm off to spend some quality time with my boys, hopefully without mention of 'the incident' as I'm trying to move past it and focus more on their redeeming qualities. I think I can probably get about another three months of personal chair service out of it though .. "Oh waiter, my cup of tea seems to be empty. Rectify that will you? And while you're at it, I'll have dinner cooked for me too!"

Dream, dream, dream ...

What's stronger than Valium?

Because I could sure do with some right about now!

Remember how I said that Alex would have needed a credit card to put through those online transactions? Well, he had one .. mine! Now I am the proud owner of approximately $150 worth of character upgrades on three different online games and because they (yes they, not just Alex) have used them, I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting the transactions refunded. So now my children will be living the life of the Amish until further notice.

The thing that gets to me the most is not the fact that they spent money that wasn't theirs and that they knew I would have said no if they had asked, it's that they thought it was OK to steal from their own mother and then lie about it repeatedly. I'm not so much angry as devastated and hurt beyond belief that my own children could do that to me.

I know this is one of those things that will pass and it will most certainly be a valuable life lesson for them, but it doesn't stop the pain of betrayal. You know how I asked for patience? I seem to have been granted that in spades because I haven't yelled once. Lots of relatively calm discussing, questioning and crying, but no yelling.

Now I just want some peace and solace for my broken heart.

Somebody pass the Valium .. quickly!

I have just had yet another 'conversation' with my 13yo, trying to get through his cotton wool filled head that trust is something that is earned. Once you lose it, it takes a long time to earn it back and bare-faced lying is not going to achieve anything apart from making me angrier than I was to start with.

Despite the Net Nanny and other various safeguards we have, like no internet in a closed room, he still managed to use his ATM card to attempt to purchase some upgrade or other for one of the games he and his brothers play online. Thank heavens for the fact that you can't use an ATM card, it must be a credit card or Paypal account, or he would be in even more trouble than he is now. He has been banned from the internet .. fullstop, end-of-discussion .. and unfortunately so have his brothers unless I am right there playing with them, as I just cannot trust him to not try it again.

I knew children became even more self-centered once they became teenagers but Lord above, I beg of you, grant me patience! Don't give me strength for I shall surely kill him!!!

Now where did I put that 44 gallon drum of Valium? Don't tell me it's all gone already??!!

Overheard recently ..

"I am a princess! Deal with it!" Andrew while playing Star Wars on the PS2

"Where's that Tool Leprechaun? Oh there he is .. hiding behind that molehill." Brad playing Runescape

"Oh Mum, look at the horrendosity of this place!" Alex while shopping with me at Carousel shopping centre during the Christmas rush. Yes, he made up that word because according to him it sounds better than 'the horrendousness'.

"Ha ha. I'm much more goodlier than you! Brad to Alex while playing on the computer

Good to see my children are listening during their English classes at school. Oh well, there's always electro-shock therapy if it starts to get really bad!

I took it too far, didn't I?

You know how I said I was going to run with the whole 'blogging without obligation' thing? I think I went too far. I even contemplated going further but decided that I should just walk back from wherever it was that I ended up and start all over again. I can you know, because it's a new year and everything so here goes ...

Happy New Year!

Here's my list of resolutions for this year:

1. Do more than just survive another year .. actually enjoy it!
2. Give more smiles and hugs.
3. Spend more time listening and less time talking.
4. Tell my husband and children more positive things about themselves.
5. Do things I want to do.
6. Give even more hugs.
7. Don't be afraid to say no .. and mean it.
8. Spend more time with the people who are important to me.
9. Get out my front door more.
10. Learn more about who I am.

(I figured these were the kind of resolutions I actually had a chance of achieving.)

Hope everyone has a healthy, happy and prosperous 2009.

'Twas the day after Christmas ...

and all through the house,
all you could hear was the click of a mouse.
Dad was busy configuring the laptops,
as Mum did some washing and hung out the jocks.
The children were happily playing with toys,
while the dog was busy making heaps of noise.
The stockings were empty and the cupboard was bare,
because all of the family had eaten their share.
There was plenty of food and presents galore
and not one person was left wanting more.
They came, they saw, they talked and they ate,
and for once didn't whinge about anything not to their taste!
All in all a good Christmas was had by us all
but who gave the dog that damn squeaky ball????
Now I have two days to spend with my boys
if only I could drag them away from their toys!

(with apologies to whoever wrote the original night before Christmas poem)

Relatively short and sweet ...

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas surrounded by love, laughter and someone else to do the dishes!

(Had to post this now before I started saying 'Cherry Mistmas.' It's past noon somewhere isn't it?)

Now I'm off to stop the dog from eating the wrapping paper, mop the floor, prepare the food, make sure the toilets are clean for the visitors, finish mowing the front lawn, vacuum the TV room, double check the presents to make sure I haven't missed anyone and then hopefully enjoy myself. Peter should be home by 9:30am so the real present opening can commence then.

Enjoy your day!!

I'm sure the Universe is trying to tell me something

I was all inspired to write a post Saturday night but my computer kept telling me that "this page cannot be displayed" so I couldn't. So I tried again on Sunday, having forgotten half of what I wanted to say, only to be greeted with the same message. Now I have access again, I can't remember any of what I wanted to say and I don't have the time.

I think the Universe is telling me to "get off that damn computer and stay off!!!"

Off to the salt mines for another day of fruitless labour. I'll try again tonight if anything inspiring comes to me in the meantime.

I've started this post 5 times already ..

and I still can't decide what to write. I wanted to be all witty and funny but that's just not happening right now. Then I thought I'd go all deep and meaningful, but that's not happening either. So I'm just going to ramble and hope to God that something inspirational comes to me in the process. (It's not working so far but I guess you got that already didn't you?)

Hmm .. now what?



Maybe I could ... (got nothing)



How about ... (insert crickets chirping here)



Or possibly ... (still nothing)



Ummmm ... (nope ... nada, zip, zilch, zero)



OK. Leave it with me. I'll get back to you sometime soon .. or maybe later.

Another week over ..

and closer to Christmas .. noooooo! There's still so much to organise and never enough hours available. When, oh when will they invent a cloning machine .. for temporary clones of course, because the world couldn't cope with multiple copies of me and it most certainly couldn't cope with copies of some of the "challenging" individuals I work with. I have enough trouble coping with the originals!!

Anyway, the week that was went something like this:

Sunday: went looking for lounges for the games room and ended up at a pet shop instead. Decided not to buy the extremely cute puppy we found and went home to wonder if we'd made the right decision.

Monday: Back to work to find out I'd been volunteered for more crappy time-consuming fiddly jobs. Chucked a major paddy and manged to delegate most of them back from whence they came. Found out we have stocktake three weeks after Christmas right in the middle of the back-to-school sales. Wondered about the mentality of the higher-ups who make these stupid decisions. Gave up on trying to find logic in their thought processes and wondered some more about the puppy decision.

Tuesday: Went back to buy the puppy but he'd already been sold. Had a look at the other puppies in that shop but they were all kelpie or heeler crosses .. not good in a standard suburban backyard. Went to work in a foul mood because how dare they sell my puppy! Peter came over to work to show me photos of another lot of puppies at a different shop that weren't kelpies or heelers. Went to pet shop after work and bought Brutus. Spent hours wondering if we'd done the right thing (all this wondering and second-guessing is a hobby of mine!)

Wednesday: Went to visit Jackie before work to have a cuppa and a chat. It still amazes me that even with the minuscule amount of time we have together, we can just pick up where we left off. Gotta love that!! Went to work very reluctantly and wondered some more about the puppy decision. Bradley rang me to tell me that there was something very wrong with Brutus. After figuring out that there was nothing wrong as such, just boredom, I went back to dealing with the Mt Everest of paperwork that was threatening to take over my desk. Went home to be greeted very effusively by Brutus and Andrew. Patted them both and then cleaned up all the 'presents' that had been left for me to deal with.

Thursday: Realised it was my second last day of doing the invoice job and I could go back to my own job next week .. woohoo!! As much as I liked the later starts, I want my comfort zone back. Talked to the boss about reducing my hours next year and he seemed fairly receptive to the idea. Received a phone call from home every time Brutus breathed, drank, ate or even moved. Took Brutus to the vet after work for his post-purchase check-up. He was running a slight temp but apparently that's normal due to the stress of all the changes he's gone through. Kids went to Mum's for the night so I played with Brutus until 8:30 then wrapped some presents.

Friday: Woke up feeling a bit under the weather. Realised I hadn't taken my happy pills for two days which explained the impending panic attack feeling. Went to work and left Brutus completely on his own in the house for the first time. Received a phone call when Mum dropped the boys home, to tell me that Brutus had done 2 poos and 3 wees and had eaten all his breakfast and that he was breathing and playing and running and, and, and..... Fought my way through another ginormous pile of paperwork and escaped from work exactly on time. Raced home to see Brutus, oops I mean the children, because they were headed out for a sleepover at Elle's house so I could go out to a scrapping night with Debbie. Went to scrapping night with Debbie and managed to actually achieve some more pages in Peter's car album. Had fun and really enjoyed the company. Came home and played with Brutus some more before crawling into bed about midnight.

Today (so far): 'Slept in' until 7:10am and so far have had a very lazy morning. I had planned to go pick up some laybys and wrap them before the kids got home but I've decide to leave that until the last minute like everything else. If I'm good at anything, it's procrastination!

So now you have the full details of my boring week, I'm going to go do some even more boring and mundane things like mop the floors, do some washing, clean up some more 'presents', wrap some presents (no, not 'those' ones; the good kind!), etc, etc, etc ...

Have a great day!

This tickled my funny bone ...

more animals

Carols

On the first day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the second day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the third day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
four annoying couriers,
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
FIVE HAPPY CUSTOMERS,
four annoying couriers,
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
six massive headaches,
FIVE HAPPY CUSTOMERS,
four annoying couriers,
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
seven managers whingeing,
six massive headaches,
FIVE HAPPY CUSTOMERS,
four annoying couriers,
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
eight piles of paperwork,
seven managers whingeing,
six massive headaches,
FIVE HAPPY CUSTOMERS,
four annoying couriers,
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
nine last-minute shoppers,
eight piles of paperwork,
seven managers whingeing,
six massive headaches,
FIVE HAPPY CUSTOMERS,
four annoying couriers,
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
ten missing laybys,
nine last-minute shoppers,
eight piles of paperwork,
seven managers whingeing,
six massive headaches,
FIVE HAPPY CUSTOMERS,
four annoying couriers,
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
eleven screaming children,
ten missing laybys,
nine last-minute shoppers,
eight piles of paperwork,
seven managers whingeing,
six massive headaches,
FIVE HAPPY CUSTOMERS,
four annoying couriers,
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my workmates gave to me ...
twelve broken toys,
eleven screaming children,
ten missing laybys,
nine last-minute shoppers,
eight piles of paperwork,
seven managers whingeing,
six massive headaches,
FIVE HAPPY CUSTOMERS,
four annoying couriers,
three stolen iPods,
two dodgy bikes,
and a pallet full of broken Christmas trees.

I'm hearing the pitter-patter of little feet ...

and this time they're mine to keep! Everybody please welcome the newest member of our family ...

He (yes, another boy in the house!!) is 9-week-old poodle x and I've been outvoted yet again because he has been named Brutus .. just the name for a big fierce guard dog like this, don't you think? I was leaning more towards Rufus but he has been getting called Fluffbutt this morning! Peter reckons I'm going to give him a complex calling him that but I wasn't referring to his admittedly fluffy on the outside butt. I am now the proud owner of another flatulent male. If he wasn't so cute, I'd be pulling my hair out by now!

After a not too bad first night, he seems to be settling in quite well. Andrew is still a little bit wary due to the jumping nature of puppies but keeps wanting to play with him anyway. The other two boys have to be reminded to leave him alone to rest.

He has taken a liking to sitting under my chair while I'm on the internet, so I have to check very carefully before I move the chair.

No doubt there will be more photos in the weeks to come, so please bear with me while I get this cute and fuzzy stage out of the way. All I have to do now is go get all the "absolutely necessary" items .. a new little bed for the little dog, toys, bowls ..

Totally random thoughts ...

• If Aquarius is the water-bearer, why is it an air sign?
• Do I really need a pet?
• Why are there always more bills than money?
• When will I get my head around the fact that I am the only person who can make me lose weight?
• Does not having a favourite food make me weird?
• I wonder if my children will understand me spending time with their father, just the two of us, even though we could be spending that time together as a family.
• Why is it OK to say kil-om-etre but not kil-og-ram?
• Is Christmas in retail really the seventh circle of hell?
• Why is it seen as more socially acceptable for boys to burp and fart and not for girls?
• If the grass is greener on the other side, wouldn't that just make it harder to mow?
• Why do the censors ban the viewing of the outside of a naked human body but not the inside of it?
• How does the washing pile grow from a single hill to an entire mountain range overnight?
• Why do the plants you paid a fortune for need water and fertiliser to grow, but the weeds can do just fine without either?
• What do you buy the person who needs nothing and wants nothing for Christmas?
• Where has my scrapping mojo gone? And can I go there too?
• How did that countdown ticker miss so many days? There was over 35 days last time I looked .. I'm sure there was!!
• Why do my children's hugs always make me forget all the things I was annoyed at them for?

Feel free to add your random thoughts in the comments section!

Wonderful news from the UK

My baby sister Clare, who isn't really a baby any more, rang to announce her engagement this week to her lovely boyfriend of five years, Richard. Congratulations to the both of you!

They're winging their way to South Africa as we speak, to have Christmas with Richard's family, before heading back here to stay. She's been away in London for a lot of the past eight years, so it's going to be weird having her so close again. Good .. but weird! And once the wedding is out of the way, I get to mess with her about when she's going to have kids. Aah, revenge is sweet!

Seriously though, I'm so glad she's found someone who makes her happy and I wish them a long and joy-filled future together. Love you guys!!

My all-time favourite thing to say at work ...

more animals

... and I'll even shine it up for you!

(It's a running joke with some of the other girls at work so apologies to those who think I'm just nasty!)

^ ^ ^ Look what I got! ^ ^ ^

Lita, the wonderful darling that she is, sent me the beautiful header up there ^ ^ ^. Isn't it just gorgeous? She makes such beautiful crafty things and even some that you can touch and hold too. Check out some of her other great things at: http://litabells.blogspot.com/

I love it 'cos it's so bright and cheerful which is just what I needed at this very moment in time. Thanks heaps Lita .. you're a legend!!



(Oh and just for Lita and Debbie, I made the countdown a bit smaller and moved it away from the middle of the page. I had to ... it clashed with the lovely new header!)

My middle boy is growing up way too fast!

Andrew has gone to his year 6 dinner dance tonight. It's his first official dance that isn't a school disco in the gym, complete with the requirement to be dressed in something slightly more formal than jeans and a shirt. To top it all off, I had totally forgotten that the dance was tonight when I was heading out the door for work, running late as usual, thinking of nothing but how to gather my wits before heading into the minefield.

You can probably guess where this is going right? That's right, the lament of women everywhere .. "But I haven't a thing to wear to the ball!" .. except in this case it was "Mum, I haven't got any pants that fit and my shirt is a bit short too!" Darn kids! Who keeps giving them permission to grow??

So after a mad dash around at work in my non-existent lunch break, I managed to put together a couple of outfits for his approval, with the intent of taking the unwanted ones back for a refund tomorrow. Of course, he liked them all so then we had the saga of what to wear and what to return.
"That shirt goes with these pants, but I like the other shirt better. Does it look OK with those pants?" etc.
I swear this child is channeling Trinny and Suzannah or maybe Carson Kressley half the time! The other half the time, he couldn't care less if 'this goes with that.' (name that commercial ..)

Once 'we' had finally decided on a outfit, it was time to get ready, pick up Ryan and head out for the 60km round trip to drop them off for the three hour event. There was a lot of silence in the back of the car, especially when I asked if they were going to dance with any girls! They were both just sitting there like a deer in headlights, too stunned to move. Aah, to be young and terrified again .. NOT!

Once we got there, the boys met up with the rest of their group of friends before heading into the function room en masse .. there's safety in numbers you know! It was the strangest feeling watching him walk into the function room that was filled with girls in their finery; shades of things to come, I guess. It just brought home to me how much he's growing up even though he's still small physically. It's all in the perception isn't it?

I popped in for a quick look around and saw that the girls were all huddled down one end whispering and giggling about the boys playing the fool down the other end of the room. Quite a few boys had the deer-in-the-headlights look while looking at the girls but of course, none of them were brave enough to approach the girls, especially not with some of the parents still there! (I don't really blame them .. some of those dads looked pretty scary!)

I left them to it to go home and feed the other two but the whole time he was gone, the mother in me was wondering if he had enough to eat, if he even liked what there was to eat and if he was enjoying himself. The scrapbooker in me was wondering whether he would take more than the two photos that Alex took at his dinner dance and hoping they weren't too blurry to do anything with. Priorities people!

I thought he would be very quiet and tired when he got home (at 10:15pm) so I was surprised when he bounded in the door, full of the joys of life, and said "Hi Mum. I have to pee. Be right back!" Once that all important task was taken care of, he came and curled up in my lap to give me a rundown of the evening's events. I'm happy to report that yes he did have enough to eat (photos of them at the table, eating), he liked most of the things that were available to eat (photos of some of the available food) and he really enjoyed himself (seemingly by laughing at everyone else!). There was even dancing .. and I have a photo to prove it. (I actually have 22 photos in all of which about 10 of them should make a great page.)

The dancing photo is of two friends (both boys) dancing together ballroom style. Apparently, most of the boys danced with each other like that until the teachers organised them into a snowball dance. Andrew thought he had escaped dancing with a girl but then his PE teacher asked him to dance, "which was kind of embarrassing for her, because she's a lot taller than me!" No mention as to whether he was worried about dancing with a teacher .. we'll tackle that one later! Then he jumped up to get changed into his pj's and go to the toilet again (how much did you drink child?) before heading for bed.

Just as I was sitting, feeling sorry for myself and thinking that my second baby is almost all 'growed up', he came back, curled up on my lap, gave me a great big hug and a kiss and said "It was fun but I missed you. Can I have some more hugs before I go to bed?" With that, my heart melted and I remembered that some things never change .. much.

More changes ..

I found some patience to fiddle around with the look again. Still not sure if I like it though. What do you think?

This is the kind of the thing I deal with ...

on an almost daily basis. Well, not exactly this particular scenario, but close, very close!


Employee Intelligence Fail ...

see more pwn and owned pictures

I've been messing around ....

with colours and templates. Just thought I'd tell you in case you hadn't noticed .. fat chance!!

I don't really like it 'cos I can't do anything about that horrible title but I'm too tired to play any more tonight so apologies to all those who don't like it either! I'll sort something out tomorrow ... or the next day ... or maybe even the day after that ... in other words, when I've got the patience to play again.

Good night all!

And a 'good' time was had by all!

For those who haven't been keeping up, my work Christmas party was last night and despite all the politicking, backstabbing and whingeing in the lead-up, it actually turned out to be a good night.

It was supposed to start at 7pm with dinner being served at 7:30, but due to the horrendous task of finding parking and having to stop twice so Mina could go to the toilet (that will teach her to drink four cruisers in an hour!), I was late. Because I had the money for the bar tab, no-one could have a 'free' drink until I got there. The bouncers out the front were asking everyone who said they were from Big W if they were Donna .. how embarrassment!! (Sorry, just channelling my inner Effie there!) At least it got me a good welcome when I finally got there .. "Yay, Donna's here, bring on the beer!" (Mind you, that could be taken two ways, couldn't it?)

During the course of the night, there were a few complaints and negative comments, but as soon as I heard them, I very quickly set the whingers straight. To quote Rhiannon: "Drink a cup of concrete and harden up people!" It makes you realise who your 'friends' are when you organise something like this and I'm glad to say I have more of them than I thought.

There were also a few hassles with numbers, as there seems to be every year, but that was resolved with a minimum of fuss, leaving me to have an actual alcoholic drink or two, instead of my usual lemon,lime and bitters. The look on some of the younger one's faces when they saw me with a Jim Beam and cola bottle, was absolutely priceless. Then when I had a Bailey's after dessert, they were all worried I was going to be too pissed to drive home! I know I'm not a big drinker, but even I can handle two drinks in 4.5 hours!

I"m sad to say that even though the kids were at Mum's for the night, I was still home and in bed by just after midnight. That's the trouble with volunteering to be a taxi for other people to make sure they get home safe. I don't think I'll ever the hang of this party 'til dawn mentality!! Oh well, it was a good night out and I got a decent night's sleep too .. what more could a girl ask for? (apart from a house cleaner, a cook, a chauffeur, a big lotto win, world peace, etc....?)

Now all I have to do is find my camera and print out the blackmail photos and I'll be set!

The end is near!

No, not "the end of the world as we know it" (REM anyone?) .. just the end of this very long week.

Long for all the reasons listed in my previous posts. (Five boys. Count them with me: one, two, three, four, five boys! I honestly don't know how anyone with more than three boys survives daily life.)

Long because of the children being awake at 9:30pm and wanting to play because it's still light outside. (Have I mentioned how much I hate daylight savings?)

Long for all the days of dealing with the "same old, same old" at work. (Not even going there because I'm sure blogger has a limit on how many times the words moron, cretin, imbecile and plain old dumbass can be used in a single post. If they don't, they should, just for people like me dealing with people like 'them'!)

Long because of all the people asking me "is it too late to pay you for the Christmas party?". ("Um, yeah. The last day was last Friday. I can see how you may have missed the bright red sign with font size 60 stating the date of last Friday as the last possible date for payment. You didn't see it? That's odd because it's stuck to the side of the sign in clock .. you know, the one where you clock in and out every shift.")

Long due to the waiting for said Christmas party. (Roll on Saturday night .. woohoo!!)

Thank goodness the end is near! I don't think I could have survived another day ..... without being carted off to a mental asylum anyway!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In all seriousness though, this week hasn't been too bad with the kids. It is certainly different having an extra couple of bodies in the house .. ones that aren't related to me in any way, shape or form. I'm fairly sure the novelty has worn off for both lots of kids judging by the number of niggling arguments and fights in the last couple of days. Just a wild guess, but I think the visitors will be glad to get home into their own space and my boys will be glad to go back to the usual two on one fights, instead of the four on one fights of this afternoon. No-one ended up with broken bones or is missing any body parts so I think we can call my foray into home long (there's that word again!) daycare a success.

Work, on the other hand, could not be called a success this week. I was 'this' close to telling them all where to stick their attitudes and guess what people, the sun doesn't shine there! Each of the three main offenders could have been handled on their own but putting them all together is a recipe for disaster. Each of them excels at delegating their jobs to other people and then claiming the credit. Of course the flip side is that they are also experts at shifting blame for the things not done. I'd finally had enough and starting saying no and meaning it (apparently that makes all the difference!) and they all got a very rude shock when I walked out on time today having finished my job and none of theirs. I'll probably pay for it next week but right now, I don't care .. insert childish singsong voice here .. na-na-nana-na!

Good news time: Alex got an award at the school assembly this morning. He's in the top 0.5% of students in the whole of Australia for his year level in Chemistry and the award was presented by the head of the WA branch of the Royal Australian Chemical Institute. Well done Alex!! He asked me to come to the assembly as he walked out the door this morning and wasn't very happy with me when I said I didn't know if I could but I would try. (just love that 20 minutes notice thing!) I managed to make it, and get photographic evidence to prove I was there because he didn't believe I had made it. I was so glad I made the effort because he was so pleased with me for being there even if he didn't see me. I love making my kids happy with me!

Still on Alex, we saw the psychologist on Wednesday morning and she has basically said the problem isn't him, it's the bullying tactics of the other students. He is reacting in the only way he knows how and then being penalised for it. We are going to continue to see her for some other issues related to things at home, but she has said the school needs to do more to support and help Alex and less 'trying to shift the focus away from the fact that bullying still happens in their school.' I spoke to the deputy principal today and while she seemed a bit put-out by the psychologist's opinion, she is still wanting to put more people and procedures in place to support Alex next year. Hopefully it will make a positive difference for Alex and those around him. (Kind of pointless for the rest of this year, because he's only got 3 days left!)

So now I just have to:

• get through tomorrow morning with all five boys,
• pack up two boys to go back to their auntie's house for the night tomorrow night,
• finish their washing so they can pack to go back to their auntie's house,
• pack up the other three to go to Nonnie's for the night,
• find something that's comfortable and looks good to wear for tomorrow night (which will involve shopping, trying on everything in sight, getting frustrated when nothing looks even halfway decent, pulling out my hair and then stressing about how to fix my hair to cover the bald spots),
• make the house look semi-presentable again,
• food shopping (or there'll be nothing to eat on Sunday .. minor technicality as I'll probably be sleeping anyway!)
• catch up on some sleep tonight so I don't fall asleep after dinner tomorrow night,
• drop the kids at Nonnie's,
• be at Mina's house to pick her up by 6pm,
• be in Northbridge by 6:45pm to secure a good table away from all the morons, cretins and imbeciles that insisted on coming to the Christmas party, and
• stay awake after 9pm so I can actually enjoy a night out without the kids or the hubby!

A girl has to have dreams .. may as well dream big!!

Dear Donna, (Part 2)

Hi! This is the Universe again. Just wanted to bring a couple of other things to your attention to help you get through the rest of the week.

• Remember some of the tips about the noise and people not using their inside voices? They can be applied at work too. Multi-purpose handy hints .. the best kind!
• Just because the 'interesting' people at work don't have an official diagnosis, doesn't mean you can't use the same tactics on them as you do on the children. You might even find these tactics work better than talking to them as adults!
• Do not use the same tactics for the intelligent people at work or they will look at you like you've totally lost your mind, which we know you have, but they don't need to have it definitely confirmed now, do they?
• Arguing semantics with one autistic child is a waste of time. Arguing semantics with three autistic children will send you insane. Bite.your.tongue. (By the way, Bonjela teething gel would be good to numb that hole in your tongue!)
• Try to not sound so desperate for adult conversation. The telemarketers have put the word out about you wanting to talk to them, so you probably won't be getting any more calls for a while. Even they have their limits!
• Locking all five boys in one room to settle their differences, and threatening to not let them out unless someone is bleeding, will do nothing to resolve the issues that sent them in there in the first place and will have everything to do with the fact you now have no bandaids left. (Better put bandaids on the shopping list .. you're bound to need some more before the end of the week.)
• Be grateful there will not be a full moon this week. A new moon should be just enough to disturb their sleeping patterns without sending them completely loco. That's just me having some more fun because the 'spiders in the bathroom' thing got boring.
• Pokemon, dragons, Yu-Gi-Oh and farts will always be seen as acceptable conversation by this particular group of boys. Talk to the voices in your head if you're bored. They probably make more sense anyway!
• Boys, well these boys at least, will not voluntarily take showers. The screaming that would ensue from hosing them down outside would probably wake the dead, so remain firm that indoor showers, in the bathroom, in the shower cubicle, with the shower curtain closed and the water turned on, with them using soap and actually washing and rinsing themselves, must be done on a daily basis. Do not use the word 'regularly', as once a week is classed as 'regularly' and that is somewhere you really don't want to go.
• On that note: be very, very specific when issuing instructions and explaining rules. I realise it is tiring to have to think of every possible interpretation of what you're saying, but for the sake of your sanity, please think it through from every angle. "Yes, you may have some biscuits" is not a good idea if you were planning on having a biscuit with your cup of tea after they've gone to bed, or at all in the next five days. A better suggestion would be: "Yes, you may have 2 biscuits, no more, and they must be eaten before 5 o'clock while sitting at the dining table. Even if you finish your 2 biscuits before 5 o'clock, you may not have any more unless I specifically say you can. This answer applies to you and you alone and is not transferable to anyone else. This answer does not give you the right to tell anyone else to have biscuits or to offer them biscuits. Any arguments and your right to have 2 biscuits can and will be terminated without further notice. If you argue with me about the biscuits, the offering of the biscuits or the place and time of consumption, and you have already consumed said biscuits, you will forfeit your right to have any tomorrow. The day after tomorrow is still negotiable. I reserve the right to make any changes to this answer that I deem necessary and will not be held responsible for there being no biscuits left should they all be gone before you get yours. Now leave me alone with my chocolate. No, you may not have any because it is mine .. all mine!" (maniacal laughter fades out to an ominous silence ...... )

Now that it is perfectly clear that I, the Universe, am as crazy as you are, I'm going to go make some more prickles grow in your lawn .. because I can!

See you in the looney bin,

The Universe.

How much????

Remember Alex's little trip in an ambulance? Well, I got the bill today .. $607! Once I got over my initial apoplectic fit, luckily not requiring an ambulance to bring me round, all I could say to that was thank God for private health cover!!

I was going to make a whole series of smart arse comments along the lines of "I didn't realise the piece of cheesecloth they gave him for a sling was made from spun gold" but then realised how petty that would sound. So I decided to stick with "priority 2 call huh? Would they have wanted to perform surgery on me for a priority one call .. you know, to remove an arm and a leg?" until I thought that sounded rather mean-spirited too.

In the end I decided to go with "better safe than sorry" and "thank you very much for being there whenever you're needed" and "by the way, do you accept first born children as part payment? No? Oh well, worth a try!"

The things they don't tell you ..

before you become a mother:

• The pregnancy and birth are the easiest parts.
• What you want out of life changes the minute they put that little person in your arms.
• You can survive on three hours sleep. Admittedly not well, but you can do it.
• How one little person can require so much of your time and so much equipment too. And if you're blessed with two little people at the same time .. how everything seems to multiply by five!
• If you're breastfeeding, how the sound of someone else's baby crying can make you leak milk everywhere .. usually in the supermarket, bank queue, or some other suitably public place .. and it will be the one time you don't have any spare breast pads.
• All, or at least most, of those things you swore you'd never do with your child, go straight out the window once your child is actually here. "My child is not having a dummy/ pre-packaged food/ being rocked to sleep/ sleeping on their stomach/ etc."
• When they're little, a kiss and cuddle do fix most things. That and a bandaid with silly pictures on it.
• Even though there are never enough hours in the day, you should always make time for a cuddle.
• You are stronger, kinder, more patient and more loving than you ever thought you were.
• Your definition of a good day changes to become one where you get through the whole day without someone else's bodily fluids on you.
• There will be times when you hide in the toilet just to be alone.
• All those things you'd never thought you could do without throwing up, you do numerous times a day. Teething nappies anyone?
• You go from being 'cool' and 'with-it' to being the most out of the loop person on the face of the planet.
• One day you will be having discussions about the facts of life and where babies come from, and you will need to be able to present the facts while retaining your sense of humour.
• You will never, ever, ever be cool in the eyes of your teenager .. in front of their friends. Behind closed doors, however, they may admit to you being the best mum .. subject to change at any time of course!

But of all the things 'they' don't tell you before you become a mother, the hardest one for me to deal with is how your heart breaks when you can't just make things all better for them.

“Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body.” Elizabeth Stone

Dear Donna,

This is the Universe. I just thought I'd write and remind you of the following things while you look after the two extra children this week:

• There is a reason you stopped at three children. Do you remember why now?
• 5 boys in one house = NOISE and lots of it!! Well duh!
• 5 boys = 'interesting' conversations about things like masturbation, penises, farts and other bodily functions, all at mealtimes. Get over yourself and just eat the food so you can get out of there!
• 3 boys with varying degrees of autism = heightened frustration levels and lowered tolerance for each other. Suggesting they move the fight outside so they don't get blood in the grout is going to achieve nothing but blood on the pavers. Sarcasm doesn't work .. try to remember that!
• Bedtimes are not a vague suggestion. Make them law and make it now!!
• Trying to explain why it is not International Opposites Day is pointless and a waste of your precious oxygen. Save yourself the bother and just hold your breath until you turn blue or pass out. Or even better do both and see what happens. On second thoughts, don't do both. You're still waiting for the ambulance bill from last time.
• 'Inside voices' are a concept of the past ... and they weren't ever fully comprehended then either. Use earplugs.
• Even though it feels like it, you are not in a reality show version of 'Lord of the Flies'. If you were it would be worth a small fortune in danger money. Just hide as much as possible.
• Shopping with two autistic, hyped on sugar 13 year olds is not conducive to your mental health. Shopping with your own three children will not seem so hard in future now, will it?
• Just because a child has a phobia about showering at other people's houses doesn't mean your bathroom is a cesspool of infection and filth .. especially since you know you just cleaned it yesterday. I'm just messing with you by making all the spiders come out of hiding every time that particular child sets foot in the bathroom. Give me a break .. I've got to have some fun.
• Any damage you do to their psyches probably won't be traceable back to you by the time they start going to therapy, but try to organise a bulk discount deal with the local psychiatrist just in case.
• Your tolerance level is higher than you think .. most of the time. For those other times, have chocolate or Bailey's handy.
• Console yourself with the thought of all the good karma you're earning by helping out a friend in need. Of course, most of it will be cancelled out by the evil thoughts you're having of burying five children up to their necks in the backyard, but hopefully you'll come out in front.
• You can, and will, survive this week. Whether you'll still be sane is up for debate but then again, so is whether you were sane to start with.
• You will not resort to medication for either the children or yourself. Oh all right then ... maybe just a little for yourself.
• They are all good kids .. in the grand scheme of things. Then again, so were George Bush and Saddam Hussein and look how well they turned out. Keep praying!
• Their parents will be home on Saturday, barring flight cancellations or any other unforeseen delaying tactic, and then you will be back to your 'normal' life ... as normal as it ever gets .. just in time to go out with your workmates to 'the' Christmas party.

Please continue with your happy pills and we will commune again at a quieter time ... a much quieter time ... when the planets have stopped trying to shake themselves out of their orbits to get away from the noise.

Insanely yours,

The Universe

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(and no, ^they^ aren't hugs; they're some more happy pills .. one for each day left .. just in case!)